Best 2-Line Police Report Ever?

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Gotta love this kid — and the pithy writer. This came from a friend’s Facebook page, filed under #yellowspringspolicereport:

police report

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18 Responses to Best 2-Line Police Report Ever?

  1. ChicagoDad August 11, 2016 at 7:28 pm #

    “Now I’ve heard there was a secret chord
    That David played, and it pleased the Lord
    But you don’t really care for music, do you?
    It goes like this
    The fourth, the fifth
    The minor fall, the major lift
    The baffled king composing Hallelujah

    Hallelujah
    Hallelujah
    Hallelujah
    Hallelujah”
    -Leonard Cohen, 1984

  2. Sarah M August 11, 2016 at 8:16 pm #

    this made me laugh!! Too funny. I think the term “whippersnapper” sounds about right…

  3. theresa August 11, 2016 at 8:17 pm #

    About time the busybody got told off. Why can’t kids play by themselves without someone yelling help kid playing by themselves? At least they didn’t bother the cops over the idea of kid playing without mommy or daddy?.the cops are here for real issues not kids playing.

  4. J.T. Wenting August 11, 2016 at 11:00 pm #

    And next report: child taken away by CPS because the parents did not raise their child to properly respect his betters and worse, let him out of the house alone, which is clearly serious child neglect.

  5. Papilio August 12, 2016 at 5:25 am #

    Hahaha, serves him right :-E Who’s the dangerous stranger now, busibody?

  6. lollpoplover August 12, 2016 at 7:37 am #

    “leave me alone”
    *shouted with a raised fist* (hopefully)

    This should be the call of a generation of kids sick of being oppressed by people who refer to them as “little fellow”and are always concerned with their safety but not their freedom and basic right to play.
    #younglivesmatter

  7. Backroads August 12, 2016 at 8:55 am #

    Love it!

  8. Beth2 August 12, 2016 at 10:29 am #

    Oh, come on people! Which is it?

    Do you want the community to be more involved in keeping an eye on the little ones, instead of being so quick to call the authorities? It takes a village, judge not lest ye be judged…yada yada? Or do you want everybody to turn a blind eye to little kids they see on the street, so it all falls on law enforcement to “keep our kids safe.” ‘Cause my vote is definitely with the former.

    My take:
    1) It’s not weird that the person inquired if the kid was alright.
    2) What’s weird is that the person called the police about it.
    3) The kid was kind of rude. A simple “I’m fine thanks” would’ve sufficed. I don’t know why everybody’s fist-pumping that the “busybody” got “told off.” it’s certainly not behavior I would encourage in my child. it sounds like the response of a child who’s been taught to fear and distrust all adults…which I kind of thought was a mindset most of us don’t agree with.
    4) What’s wrong with “little fellow”? it’s kind of cute. If you all are really that eager for something to get angry about, go read your facebook feed.

  9. Beanie August 12, 2016 at 10:49 am #

    I would totally be fine if someone who would use the term “little fellow” asked my kid if he was all right. Not much info to go on, but I am totally picturing a 3 or 4 year old running around in a grumpy or mischievous mood, maybe on the lam from his mom. The setting: a small town, not a big ol’ suburb like I live in. The officer that goes to check it out is along the lines of someone from Mayberry and gets a good chuckle out of it.

    Thanks for the imagery!

  10. BL August 12, 2016 at 11:09 am #

    @Beth2
    “Do you want the community to be more involved in keeping an eye on the little ones, instead of being so quick to call the authorities? It takes a village, judge not lest ye be judged…yada yada? Or do you want everybody to turn a blind eye to little kids they see on the street”

    Get involved if there’s a reason. If the kid is crying, ask why. If the kid is bleeding, help is probably appropriate.

    But just running around? No reason to ask “if he was alright”. No reason to believe otherwise.

  11. Jesse Bacon August 12, 2016 at 12:11 pm #

    Ha I bet this is my old college town, Antioch Colllege.

  12. MichaelF August 12, 2016 at 12:22 pm #

    @Beth2
    “Do you want the community to be more involved in keeping an eye on the little ones, instead of being so quick to call the authorities? It takes a village, judge not lest ye be judged…yada yada? Or do you want everybody to turn a blind eye to little kids they see on the street”

    Involved does not mean calling the cops after the kid tells you to let him play. If he was running around he is fine, no need to get involved, unless there is an incident.

    In my day the village used to keep an eye on the kids, only talking to them when necessary, or someone was hurt.

  13. Mel August 12, 2016 at 12:39 pm #

    I could go either way on this one. I’m familiar with the village in question and there are plenty of rude little (and not so little) brats running around. I think the kid could’ve been more polite while still retaining freedom. Too many parents are letting their precious little darlings run around and act like wild animals and expect the rest of us to put up with them or smile at how cute they are. Makes me want to scream. At the parents. And the kids.

  14. Jason August 12, 2016 at 12:45 pm #

    @Beth2 – Thank You! All excellent points.

  15. Papilio August 12, 2016 at 1:28 pm #

    @Beth2: All we have is what the caller told the police about the encounter. Maybe the child’s initial reply was perfectly polite but the caller still wouldn’t leave it at that (after all they did call the police!).

  16. sexhysteria August 13, 2016 at 3:17 am #

    That’s one dangerous kid – call the SWAT team!

  17. SKL August 13, 2016 at 5:04 pm #

    Sounds like the kid was taught “stranger danger.”

  18. Jill August 16, 2016 at 3:33 pm #

    “Piss off, jerk face” is rude. Leave me alone” is not in this situation, in my opinion. Unless the child is bleeding, screaming for help, running in front of cars or racing, lemming-like toward a cliff, leave him alone. He’s just playing, the way kids are supposed to.