Man Enters School, Uses John, Leaves: “We Decided NOT to Put School in Lockdown.” Gee: Why Not?

Oh Readers —  I can’t take it. Look at this crazy “news” story from the Cortez Journal in Colorado: An unidentified man entered a high school. He used the bathroom, left and asked some students to give him a ride, which they did.  Said the paper: 

No weapons were visible on the man, who was dressed in black, but he was carrying a black duffle bag, Cortez Police Department Chief Roy Lane said.

Despite rumors, the man was not wearing a mask or anything to conceal his face, Lane said. No one was injured, and no property damage occurred.

Is that the definition of a NON-STORY or what? And yet, get this!

Officials did not feel it was necessary to place the school on lockdown after the suspect had already vacated the premises.

In other words: If the stranger were still ON the premises, the whole place would have gone into LOCKDOWN? Furthermore:

The suspect is described as a 6-foot, thin male in his early 20s with dark brown straight hair grown over his ears.

“We’re just as concerned as the parents,” Lane said. “We  would ask anyone with information to call us. Even if they’re not sure who it is, if they think they might know, give us a call.”

SUSPECT? Suspect suspected of what? Evacuating his bladder in a bathroom? Using paper towels he did not pay for? Breathing while male? Shiver me timbers! I sure hope they catch him before he strikes again! – L.

Yiiiiiiiiiiikes!

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