New App Analyzes the “Data” in Your Baby’s Diaper*

Readers, get set to scientifically analyze your baby’s diaper every single  change. You don’t want to just flush that data down the diaper genie! Only the most lazy parent assumes that if the kid seems fine the kid is fine. That’s like those parents who don’t have an infra-red baby monitor. They just assume if the baby’s not crying he’s probably okay.

PLEASE. Don’t you be so naive. Your job is not to worry, it’s to worry MORE! Worry constantly! And with the possible advent of  ”Smart Diapers,”* you’ll be able to worry with every diaper change!

I always tell my audiences at lectures that if they want to make a million dollars, all they have to do is take something from the world of special needs (like baby helmets) and convince parents that ALL kids need this for some reason, too (like toddling). You can steal ideas straight from the neonatal intensive care unit. Kudos to these diaper geniuses for figuring out what it is that kids do MOST and capitalizing on it!

Of course, the idea that these will give parents “peace of mind” makes as much sense as telling parents that, “Taking your baby’s temperature every day, several times a day, is the only way to be SURE her temp hasn’t soared to 117.” Some will believe this, and so it goes. Another victory for a whole new outlook on childhood that believes no child is EVER safe and sound. Nope, they’re in constant danger and only constant vigilance (and a smart phone, and digital diapers) can save them. And a shout-out to my cousin Jackie for sending me the link! – L.

*If it’s not a total prank!!!

 

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