OCDC (Obsessive-Compulsive Day Care)

Hi Readers – Here’s the latest from our friends down under, where the national pastime seems to have switched from throwing shrimp on the barbie to throwing common sense on there and gleefully watching it go up in flames. (Don’t touch! Barbecue glowing red may be HOT.) – L.

KIDS will be banned from blowing out candles on communal birthday cakes, under strict new hygiene rules for childcare. 

But doctors warn the latest National Health and Medical Research Council guidelines go too far in “bubble-wrapping” children….

And daycare staff will now have to wash toys, doorknobs, floors and cushion covers every day.

The new guidelines state that kids who want to blow out a candle on their birthday should bring their very own cupcake – to avoid blowing germs all over a shared cake.

“Children love to blow out their candles while their friends are singing ‘Happy birthday’,” the document says.

“To prevent the spread of germs when the child blows out the candles, parents should either provide a separate cupcake, with a candle if they wish, for the birthday child and (either) enough cupcakes for all the other children … (or) a large cake that can be cut and shared.”

The NHMRC says children who play in the sandpit must wash their hands with alcohol sanitiser before and afterwards.

The NHMRC is also suggesting that children dip their elbows in paint to learn how to write their letters, so as to avoid handling crayons and markers other children have “possibly touched.”

Okay, okay. So I made that last paragraph up. Is it SO out of place in the Howard Hughes world we are apparently convinced we must create to safeguard this, the most sickly, sniveling, supposedly vulnerable generation in human history? – L.

I’m just like a birthday cake, but not lethal!

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