“Could You Spot the Pedophile?” Hint: He’s Male and Breathing

Hi Folks! A reader writes: “Thought you might be interested in this ‘How to Spot a Pedophile’ list, which enraged me. It narrows down the field of potential pedophile suspects to ‘any adult male who has ever had contact with children’. As somebody who ticks several of the boxes here (worked with kids, babysat for friends, among others) I’m enraged that those things somehow make me a suspect.”

While we always stress here that it is GOOD to teach kids to understand how to recognize, resist and report sexual abuse, it’s also good for parents to understand that just because we are now keenly aware of the problem doesn’t mean it’s happening more than before (studies show it’s actually happening less!), or that all kids are in danger any time they are around MEN.

The article makes a valid point that abusers don’t necessarily look like creepy strangers. BUT it suggests that we treat with suspicion, even revulsion, any male who evinces any interest in kids. This is a distorted and actually perverse way to look at half the population. And God forbid a guy actually volunteers to help out!

As a mom who has hired male babysitters, I’m sickened to think that the really nice men we employed would be treated as guilty until proven innocent (and how, by the way, does that work? How can you prove a negative?).

But if you want to know the type of guys the article finds suspect, here’s an abbreviated list: Men who seem normal. Men who don’t. Men who work with kids. Men who take pictures of kids. Men who have relatives who are kids. Men who help out women with kids. Men who live with kids. Good looking men. And weird looking men.

Hope that clears things up! – L

Watch out for anyone carrying an XY chromosome!

Watch out for anyone carrying an XY chromosome!

 

 

55 Responses to “Could You Spot the Pedophile?” Hint: He’s Male and Breathing

  1. Linda Wightman September 19, 2013 at 9:16 am #

    From all that could be said about this, I’ll choose just one, which I think is neglected: Don’t they ever worry about this becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy? How many times can you hammer into men that all they think about is sex, all the time; that they’re all a danger to women and above all, to children; that they’re brutish; that they can’t be trusted; that they are, in fact, worthless beings who can’t help behaving badly — how long can they be subjected to this without buying into it? How long before they give up the effort to be civilized (and it’s an effort for us all), because (1) they’ve been told endlessly that it’s not part of their nature, and therefore impossible, and (2) when they do behave in a civilized manner, no one believes them; in fact, that’s considered a suspicious sign. How long will parents and grandparents of little boys put up with this assessment of their future characters?

    (Suppressing the urge to break into a chorus of Blowin’ in the Wind.)

  2. marie September 19, 2013 at 9:57 am #

    Setting aside the awful implications that all men are suspect, don’t forget that being a pedophile is NOT A CRIME. Sexual assaults are.

    The word ‘pedophile’ is overused and has been used wrongly so often that it has become meaningless.

  3. Katie September 19, 2013 at 10:07 am #

    interesting point, Marie. One’s thoughts are one’s thoughts, between oneself and God. they can be as wrong as wrong can be, but if they are not acted upon or expressed, then it doesn’t affect anyone else. (And that’s true of almost anything. One could think about stealing a car or burning a barn, but it means nothing unless it’s outside of that person’s head.)

  4. Papilio September 19, 2013 at 11:23 am #

    Marie is right, a pedophile is merely someone who is sexually attracted to children. Not every pedophile is a child molester, and not every child molester is a pedophile.

    Besides, there are also female pedophiles and female child molesters. So now what?

  5. pentamom September 19, 2013 at 11:24 am #

    Considering that #1 is that he looks normal, the thing is obviously ridiculous. “He must be one of those creepy people! He’s normal!” But then if he’s good looking and friendly, that’s even WORSE.

    Yes, if a person who has no other relationship to your child suddenly seems to be inordinately interested in your child without also being involved more generally with your family, that might be something to think about — TO THINK ABOUT, not to jump to conclusions about. But most of the rest of this is bunk — of course pedophiles fit these characteristics, but that’s a long way from saying that people who fit these characteristics (other than the obvious ones like secretly giving your kids toys and collecting pictures of random kids but nothing else) should be suspected of being pedophiles.

  6. Warren September 19, 2013 at 11:33 am #

    I am just going to go and turn myself in to the police now, and get it over with.
    1. I will engage kids in conversation, that are not mine.
    2. Will play a quick game of keep away with the soccer ball that got kicked my way.
    3. Have been know to treat all the kids my kids were with at the park, to popsicles or drinks, whether they are regular friends or not.
    4. Have three dogs, that naturally draw the attention of groups of kids of all ages. That’s one they forgot, the dog walker.
    5. Coach all sorts of sports when I can. Will even volunteer to help other coaches that are overwhelmed.
    6. Am extremely good looking and charming. LOL
    7. I am a living, breathing male.

    7 perfectly good reasons to just take me off the street now, as a preventative measure.

  7. LadyTL September 19, 2013 at 11:45 am #

    I emailed their editor since she is basically calling all men ever child molesters simply by existing. It should be brought to their attention what a terrible article this is.

  8. Ann in L.A. September 19, 2013 at 11:54 am #

    We recently hired a male tutor for our boy. Most tutors we’ve had sit on the same side of the table, beside the student. This one–the first male we’ve had–chose to sit across the table. I’m sure the reason was self-protection. He literally placed himself beyond reach of our kid.

    That’s the flip side of this. Men being afraid to be near kids for fear of accusations. (And there are some savvy kids out there who know the power this gives them too.)

  9. Melissa September 19, 2013 at 11:55 am #

    Holy cow, that article was awful.

    As the president of a competitive youth soccer club, with no kids playing in the club, and having coached girls soccer since he was 18, referreeing since he was 16 – my 38 year old husband is obviously a huge threat to these people.

  10. Donna September 19, 2013 at 12:00 pm #

    First, a pedophile is specifically a person attracted to pre-pubescent children, not anyone who as sex with someone under the age of consent. There is a big gulf between pre-pubescent and age of consent where most child molestations occur and are, therefore, not committed by pedophiles at all.

    Second, most of this isn’t even universally true, although all can be said to be present in the occasional case. Outside of the close relative and partner one, very little of this holds true for the majority of child molesters that I’ve met. Most haven’t volunteered or worked with kids. Most have adult friends and don’t prefer the company of kids. Little involves babysitting or gift giving. Most were never molested themselves (or at least aren’t admitting it). While kiddie porn investigations often uncover allegations of child molestation, it is actually pretty unusual to find kiddie porn during a child molestation investigation.

    What is even more sad is that I can name a couple men that fit this description to a tee (except the kiddie porn and victims themselves parts) and are not pedophiles. They fit to “profile” here much closer than most of the actual convicted pedophiles that I’ve dealt with, but are really nice guys who I trust with my daughter completely.

  11. Ethan Edwards September 19, 2013 at 12:00 pm #

    To try to expand your minds further, consider that there are a lot of pedophiles who pose no danger to your kids at all. There are men who are only attracted to young girls who may work with boys without any hint of danger. Some are attracted to kids 10 and up and pose no danger to toddlers. There are also pedophiles who also just really like kids aside from their attraction and are just never going to act on it.

    Of course given where society is, letting known pedophiles work with kids is not going to happen, but like any group of people pedophiles vary a lot. They are not this cabal of uniformly dangerous people.

    But I agree with the main point, which is that the vast majority of men who are inclined to be with kids are not pedophiles at all.

  12. Ali September 19, 2013 at 12:09 pm #

    For once and article is saying the bogeyman is probably someone you know and trust rather than “some random stranger hiding in a bush waiting to jump your kid”. For once.

    Unfortunately, the statistics are what they are. it is a 10 to 1 ration of male offenders vs female offenders ( “Psychopathology and Personality Traits of Pedophiles”. Psychiatric Times.) So yes, it’s going to be a male that likes to hang around kids, most likely.

    The subtle difference between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one -and this is stated throughout the article- is an unusual interest in your child specifically. Both kids and adults can see the difference and I’ll give an anecdotal example. “Mr. V” was a substitute teacher at my kids’ school. (http://denver.cbslocal.com/2012/02/28/teacher-accused-of-sexual-contact-has-history-of-incidents/) Note, the school mentioned here is NOT my kids’ school, this guy got around. The adults liked him and many of the kids did too, but not all, why? He pet their hair. He would select 2-3 girls per room and single them out and would violate their space by petting their hair, one such girl was a good friend of my daughter. She knew the difference between a friendly pat on the head from a teacher, and this subtle violation of space this teacher used.

    My kids both talked to me about it after he was arrested. He would pick a few kids, start petting their hair and then apparently found time/space to go further with some of these kids. My kids were really uncomfortable with his behavior and he was finally arrested because the kids received training to spot a friendly pat on the head vs a violation of space.

    I’m glad the article is stating that a person in the position of trust is most likely going to be the bogeyman rather than a stranger abducting a child. That was my take-away not that every man is a potential pedophile/molester.

  13. John September 19, 2013 at 12:36 pm #

    As a male harmed as a child by sexual and physical abuse at the hands of an older male relative, who also sexually abused other generations in my family, I understand irrational fear of males. I am also a criminal investigator and know rationally that the strongest predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Focus on exploring that domain. Regardless of gender. If something of concern is there, you may find it. Indicators in the article are contradictory and therefore virtually useless. I was not protected from the person who harmed me by an adult family member that “should” have known. They had been harmed by the same person as a child, and as an adult transgressed against another family member. When confronted he accepted responsibility. Many years later, he made an attempt at sex offender treatment. Advanced age and continuing denial interfered, but these efforts still helped others. What protects children is breaking the silence around child sexual abuse. If you have been harmed in this way, disclose it in ways that prevent future harm. It is paradoxical that those harmed often don’t disclose because of the shame they feel and a need to protect the person responsible. Get help with that, disclose appropriately, protect children and others. Also never forget that those responsible for this kind of harm are human beings, often, but not always, harmed themselves, and potentially capable of accepting responsibility for their acts and helping to repair the harm in ways meaningful to those harmed. Parallel justice and restorative practices are domains to explore for finding ways for something good coming out of wrongdoing and the trauma it causes. These approaches do not exclude incarceration as an outcome necessary to prevent further harm. Notice I didn’t use the word “victim” until now. Think about the impact taking on that label has too. May whatever happens from your decisions rest gently on your hearts.

  14. oncefallendotcom September 19, 2013 at 1:06 pm #

    Women are more likely to murder their children than men. So pick your poison.

    I avoided this entire mess by not having kids. Because the only other option is building walls around your city then exiling your kids South Park style.

  15. oncefallendotcom September 19, 2013 at 1:19 pm #

    PS: In case no one was paying attention, the person who wrote this OPINION piece (that is exactly how the news site billed it) is a “crime reporter,” not a forensic psychologist.

    So you get stupid statement like this one:

    “Signs to watch for: paedophiles usually prefer children in one specific age group, such as infants and toddlers, children between six and ten years old, or “tweens” and young teenagers up to the age of 16.”

    Well, if you are sexually attracted to 16 year olds, then you aren’t a pedophile. This woman needs to revise her work.

  16. John September 19, 2013 at 1:42 pm #

    I might as well turn myself in right now too! I’ve traveled to many countries in the world and have exactly 44 pictures hanging on the wall of my den depicting these travels. Of these 44 pictures, 8 of them are of children in these many different countries. For example, some of these pictures include 3 young Egyptian boys on a donkey cart collecting garbage, a young Turkish boy balancing a tray of bread on his head, Nepalese mountain kids whom we bought cokes for posing for a picture within the Annapurna mountain range, a photo of me with 3 Sri Lankan kids in their school uniforms, 3 young boys in Bali walking home from school in their uniforms giving me the finger as I took their pic (That picture is a classic and shows how boys will be boys!). If anyone has ever been to a 3rd world country, they will find that children, particularly boys, LOVE to be photographed by western tourists and they’ll act like hams in front of the camera! So do these pictures hanging in my den prove that I’m a pedophile?? Please bear in mind that the other 37 pictures do NOT include children. (I have a picture of me on an elephant and another with a monkey and parrot on my head so I certainly hope people won’t think I’m into bestiality!)

  17. anonymous this time September 19, 2013 at 1:55 pm #

    Rather than teaching parents to “spot a paedophile,” how about PARENTS teaching KIDS how to listen to their “spidey senses,” how to “go with their gut,” and STOP DEMANDING that kids give hugs or kisses they don’t want to give, even to Mom or Dad. ALWAYS giving the CHILD the power over their OWN BODY.

    How about parents teaching their kids all the proper names for body parts, educating them about sex, empowering them with knowledge of their own anatomy and not calling any part of it “dirty”? How about explaining the function and sacredness of the parts the bathing suit covers, without inducing shame?

    How about putting some responsibility on ourselves as parents to arm our kids with some skills to support their own health and well-being instead of putting some kind of terror of “predators” into everyone’s heads as if there were a way to completely avoid the possibility of someone who would do things you don’t enjoy?

  18. Christine Hancock September 19, 2013 at 2:00 pm #

    So my employed, child loving, cub scout master, sweet, loving, supportive, heterosexual husband could be dangerous!!! Oh my! I must have him locked up in jail, and then lock my kids in the basement so no other male my see them again!

    I know it happens. It happened to me. I got targeted by a creep that was hired as a sitter. Guess what. Life entails risk. It is reasonable to question, and if necessary avoid or warn off people that show an inappropriate interest in your children. Some horrible people need to be arrested and , if possible, rehabilitated. But in my experience, of the 100’s of thousands of men I’ve encountered in my life, only one proved to be a true threat, and we never saw it coming.

    You can’t “spot” the child rapist from everyone else. He (or in some cases she) looks, talks, and relates like everyone else on the surface.

  19. Ann in L.A. September 19, 2013 at 2:29 pm #

    anonymous this time >>Rather than teaching parents to “spot a paedophile,” how about PARENTS teaching KIDS how to listen to their “spidey senses,” how to “go with their gut,” and STOP DEMANDING that kids give hugs or kisses they don’t want to give, even to Mom or Dad. ALWAYS giving the CHILD the power over their OWN BODY.<<

    I couldn't agree more! I cringe every time someone makes their kids hug me. A verbal hello/good-bye/thank-you is fine with me! (and usually preferable, I'm not a hugger either.) If you must have contact, teach them a proper handshake!

    Don't force contact the kids don't want, it just makes the adults uncomfortable too–it's not like you don't know when a kid doesn't really want to give you a hug, they make it perfectly obvious!

    As you say, it also overrides their observations and feelings towards the huggee.

  20. Morghan September 19, 2013 at 2:37 pm #

    Articles like that kill children.

    Men used to stop and help, to show concern and make sure a little kid wandering down the street or through the mall was safe. Now, with all this pedohysteria, we purposefully ignore things like that. Then some kid falls in a lake and drown, or runs out in the parking lot and gets hit by a bus, and ultimately these people are at the root of all those deaths.

    They don’t feel the guilt though, it’s the guys who knew they should’ve helped but were afraid of what people would think if they acknowledged the existence of a child other than their own.

  21. Philip September 19, 2013 at 2:44 pm #

    Long time Free Range Parenting reader and stay at home here.

    I struggle with this everyday. I love my kids. I am great with children. Am I a suspect for some sort of crime?

    I feel judged everyday because of fear based articles like this.

  22. lollipoplover September 19, 2013 at 2:49 pm #

    “Candace Sutton has spent decades working as a crime reporter covering cases of sex offenders, murderers and child sex offenders. She also worked in the NSW prison system for six years, studying the cases of serious sex offenders and paedophiles, interviewing psychologists and other experts involved in sex offender programs, as well as staff involved in the supervision of paedophiles in the community and in special offender program centres.”

    So those are the credentials of the author of this incredibly paranoid article. Well if you spend that much time with the dogs, you catch the fleas. Or develop the irrational fear that everyone is out to molest children. Maybe she needs to spend more time around children and realize that there’s more good than evil in the world. Raising children paranoid of all men is evil.

  23. Gpo September 19, 2013 at 2:56 pm #

    Man I better watch out for myself. Just because I some kids more interesting than adults I might be one. I guess as a middle aged white male I should never talk to a child.

  24. Kristi September 19, 2013 at 2:58 pm #

    My twins (boy&girl) started kindergarten this year. There are only two classes and we made the choice to split them up to encourage our son to become more independent. The other parents started freaking out when we all learned that the new teacher would be…gasp…a man! No just any man either. A retired Marine! The horror! Why would a man that spent 21 years in the Marine Corps want to teach 5 year olds? Maybe because after having spent a decade experiencing one of the most horrific aspects of our planet(war), maybe he wanted to experience one of the most amazing (a class full of enthusiastic, open minds, free of judgment, prejudice, and malice. Everyone kept asking me wasn’t I “glad” that my son got put in his class, and not my daughter. They seemed baffled when I wasn’t. I would prefer both my children be in his class, because he is AMAZING!

  25. Lynnie September 19, 2013 at 3:17 pm #

    Not all pedophiles are men, there are a huge amount of female pedophiles too. I’m not saying we should be afraid of every body, we would never let our children out of sight. My sister and I were molested by a teenage old girl when we were preschoolers. Am I afraid of teenage girls? No. One sick and hurting girl who hurt others isn’t going to ruin my trust in humanity. Do I wish my parents would have used better judgment when allowing her to watch us (especially since we apparently would throw fits around her stuff like that)? Oh most definitely. My main point is that both males and females can be pedophiles and we DO need to be aware of who our small children are spending time with, but we don’t have to be afraid of people, especially men, to do so.

  26. Clive in France September 19, 2013 at 3:44 pm #

    Living in rural France the general attitude is to integrate kids into all activities and to encourage all to take an interest in them.
    Paedophiles exist in France but it is recognised that they are a small minority and should not impact normal relationships between adults and children. This results in a much better and more balanced development of children than the one that seems to be suggested above.
    As an aside I was recently in New Zealand where I met a couple who run a pre-school school where horror of horrors they employ male teachers and provide an environment where children can climb trees and other outdoor activities and the word of the teacher is law. If it is deemed necessary they get a cuddle. Believe or not they have a waiting list!
    So I am very much in support of developing children to spot all dangers and provide them with a loving and safe environment for their development

  27. Rebecca M. September 19, 2013 at 3:52 pm #

    My husband is a stay at home dad who loves children and who spent a lot of time in playgrounds when our kids were small. He became keenly aware that a certain sub-group of the moms in the playgrounds were automatically suspicious of him. It made him sad.

  28. Warren September 19, 2013 at 4:37 pm #

    Maybe the playground Dads should hit on all the playground Moms. That way he will only be known as a Dog, and not a child molestor.

  29. Asya September 19, 2013 at 6:33 pm #

    My father used to pick up my little brother. My brother is younger than me, so occasionally I did the picking after high school. My father is a tall, grey, funny looking man with crooked teeth and a really round belly that wasn’t quite covered by his jackets. He was usually smiling as he walked back and forth across the schoolyard reading his English-learning book while my brother played after school. He said hi to all of my brother’s friends in a really thick accent and tried to make small conversation with them, because he was too intimidated by whatever PTA jargon the teachers had to say. He was actually really, really cute and everyone liked him. It makes me angry anyone would think he is some creep just because he is not some loud 30-ish mom based on this kind of garbage.

    One time I was back in town with my husband, and we went to pick up my brother together. Some cocky-looking jerk came up to us (more specifically, my husband) and asked if we were there to pick someone up even though my brother came flying into my arms. Thankfully, that school in Colorado is actually pretty good with staying sane, like keeping Christmas jingles and letting children walk home alone.

  30. Arianne September 19, 2013 at 6:50 pm #

    OT, but Lenore, this has your name written all over it:
    http://www.9news.com/news/article/355923/188/Avast-Pirate-sighting-behind-school-lockout

  31. Edward September 19, 2013 at 9:29 pm #

    Sent this to the Editor of that Australian publication:

    I would like to see a response to Ms Sutten’s opinion published Sept 19, 2013 labeling all adult males as monster child molesters from the entire cast and crew of Australia’s productions of “Billy Elliot”.
    I’m really curious to know what they think of what she has done to their careers.

  32. Christopher Byrne September 19, 2013 at 10:21 pm #

    Pedophilia is a pathology (whether acted on or not). Caring about children is a normal human behavior, and one I believe is hard-wired into our being. It is when that natural response is corrupted either through trauma or a chemical imbalance that the pathology may emerge. but where is the science? Where are the statistics?

    Parents choose to live in a state of high alert over any perceived threat, even if it’s halfway around the globe. That something happened tragically to a kid on one continent means that my child is never safe? This state of self-imposed fear is a kind of perverse narcissism and is, I believe a pathology in itself–and one that will be very much more harmful to children as they live in a world where they fear everything and thus have no developed mechanism for assessing levels of risk or threat. It’s all horrific.

    What parent really wants to create that for his or her child? And yet, I see it every day. That’s more to be feared than the risk of molestation, as it’s more pervasive and affecting more children. As Lenore says, “recognize, resist and report.” But where do we teach kids to distinguish between what is an act of human connection and a legitimate threat? If we teach kids to see real danger in every interaction with an adult, what kind of adults will they be?

  33. lihtox September 19, 2013 at 10:23 pm #

    This is the equivalent of telling someone “Do you have a headache? It could be a brain tumor!” Complete rubbish and dangerous besides, because of all the false alarms it will trigger.

  34. Christina September 19, 2013 at 10:34 pm #

    Grrrrr. Drives me nuts!!! My brother loves kids. His middle son loves kids. Both of them are awesome with kids. My former upstairs neighbor loved kids. He was awesome with them and was our boys’ babysitter. I currently have yet another male sitter for my boys. He loves kids, but is worried about actively looking for jobs because kid good with kids = pedo. Blech. I am really hoping this country gets over this stupid before my boys get old enough to babysit.

  35. bmjj2k September 20, 2013 at 12:16 am #

    What I learned from that article is that child molesters take really bad pictures.

  36. Krista September 20, 2013 at 12:37 am #

    “Rather than teaching parents to “spot a paedophile,” how about PARENTS teaching KIDS how to listen to their “spidey senses,” how to “go with their gut,” and STOP DEMANDING that kids give hugs or kisses they don’t want to give, even to Mom or Dad. ALWAYS giving the CHILD the power over their OWN BODY.

    How about parents teaching their kids all the proper names for body parts, educating them about sex, empowering them with knowledge of their own anatomy and not calling any part of it “dirty”? How about explaining the function and sacredness of the parts the bathing suit covers, without inducing shame?

    How about putting some responsibility on ourselves as parents to arm our kids with some skills to support their own health and well-being instead of putting some kind of terror of “predators” into everyone’s heads as if there were a way to completely avoid the possibility of someone who would do things you don’t enjoy?”

    *APPLAUDS*

  37. D September 20, 2013 at 12:41 am #

    Ali and the editor left out these women

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/09/jennifer-mahoney-making-streaming-child-porn-guilty-new-jersey_n_1504702.html

    http://www.disclosurenewsonline.com/2009/04/28/teen-gets-five-years-probation-for-molesting-babies/

    http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Female-Sex-Offenders-First-TV-Interview-Video

    btw the last video of the female child molester says the truth that this article fails to mention:

    “they trusted me because i was a female and thought i would do no harm” this woman molested 100 victims before she was caught.

  38. Kaye September 20, 2013 at 2:03 am #

    This reminds me of one of the unsung blessings of living in Asia– seeing young men honestly, joyfully interested in my children– and completely unselfconscious about it.

    After all, they all have little brothers and sisters and cousins that they have helped raise.

  39. Rozsan September 20, 2013 at 2:06 am #

    Hi All

    This ridiculous article has been lambasted by abuse experts on a far more reputable Australian news site; http://www.crikey.com.au/2013/09/20/abuse-experts-blast-news-coms-paedophile-fear-mongering/

    Cheers

  40. Ali September 20, 2013 at 10:48 am #

    D- I never suggested women don’t abuse…you’ll notice I say it’s a 10 to 1 ration which means, yes, women abuse, there just aren’t as many. And I was speaking on a personal experience with a child molester in my children’s classroom, what was, surprise, a man.

    All the other men (3) that have substituted have been fine, except Mr. S who threw a temper tantrum, knocked over a large bookshelf and had to be carted away by the cops. And the other Mr S who told some really inappropriate stories about bus safety that included decapitation to a group of 6 year olds.

    I will still say, despite the not-so-great experiences with men in the classroom thus far (again, personal experience in one school) that our elementary school needs more male teachers. Half the kids -the male half- lack any sort of role model since the school is now entirely women. But I’m still wary given our experiences.

    None of the women have been carted away in handcuffs (20+). Just sayin’.

  41. J.T. Wenting September 20, 2013 at 11:09 am #

    Ali, you’re delusional. There are as many or more female sexual abusers as there are men, they just never get arrested for it.
    Men (and that includes little boys) are told from the moment they can walk that they have to be tough, not let people boss them around, not show emotions or weakness, especially when it comes to women.
    So if they get sexually (or otherwise) abused by a woman they feel shame rather than anger, or if they feel anger it’s at themselves for being weak.
    They don’t go to the police because they will only get laughed at (they think, and in many cases they indeed will meet only ridicule if they do go to the police, and may even end up arrested for falsely reporting a crime without there ever being an investigation, or on general principle because they must be trying to revert guilt for abuse they inflicted themselves.

    So men abused by women don’t talk, only reason those women might end up in jail for it is if they’re caught for something else and things come to light during the investigation on that.

  42. D September 20, 2013 at 11:19 am #

    Ali, that was just a small list of the hundreds i have compiled. You also forgot to listen to what that female child molester said, that she had ONE HUNDRED victims before she was caught. That no one suspected her because she was a female. Even though she groomed her victims and their parents the way any other child molester would

  43. Ali September 20, 2013 at 11:39 am #

    OK, the name calling has started…peace out.

  44. Papilio September 20, 2013 at 11:45 am #

    @JT Wenting: You forgot to include your sources.

  45. Virginia September 20, 2013 at 1:08 pm #

    What all these types of articles fail to mention is that self-assured, skilled, and confident children make lousy targets for adults wishing to take advantage of them. Seems to me (unscientific observations, I’ll admit) that many of these molestations by coaches and teachers are perpetrated on kids who are too shy or neglected to speak up and who are so desparate for good adult attention that they ignore their “spidey sense” that something is wrong. The molesters know pretty darned quickly which kid is likely to comply and keep quiet and which kid is likely to resist and speak up. Kids who are encouraged from a young age to take care of themselves, by ordering at restaurants, buying trinkets at the store, talking (eegads, I know!) to as many adults as possible are probably not all that attractive to any adult looking to “fly under the radar” and mess with kids.

  46. Emily September 20, 2013 at 3:38 pm #

    One of my best babysitters is a man who probably “looks weird” to some people. You can’t judge without more evidence – how about getting to know people first!?!

  47. Donna September 20, 2013 at 4:27 pm #

    @JT Wenting – Do you have any sources? I am always extremely skeptical of statements that are essentially “none of these crimes are reported, nobody has ever arrested for them but I just know that they must be happening and in large numbers.”

  48. Papilio September 20, 2013 at 7:07 pm #

    @Donna: Plus I don’t think the police would still laugh at male victims after all those priest stories in the news these days…

  49. Michelle September 23, 2013 at 8:59 am #

    I have 17 year old boy/girl twins, and honestly, my son is more nurturing than my daughter and gets asked to babysit (especially by families that have boys) quite a bit more often than my daughter. He loves to play ball, rough house and just generally do “boy” stuff. I am saddened to think he could be labeled a pedophile becuase of this. And what about all those kids that have Fathers, god forbid they shoudl help in the raising of their own children.

  50. JP September 23, 2013 at 9:42 pm #

    This might cause trouble, cause talk and suspicion – but what the heck.
    Who dreams up this stuff? Men? (interesting…) Women? Only slightly less….
    I say: go ahead and alienate men from kids. Just do that little thing.
    But I’d like to remind the safety nuts of this little historical tidbit.
    Over history, most examples (in fact, probably all) of horrific and catastrophic mass abuses of women and children have been perpetrated by…………which gender?
    (wait for the drum roll)
    You already guessed?
    Yep.
    Men.
    Excellent way to balance out that little item, um?
    The one (imagined) perp you kick to the curb will come back in spades.
    Every time.
    Just a thought…..

  51. RobC September 24, 2013 at 12:58 am #

    Krista writes:

    “and STOP DEMANDING that kids give hugs or kisses they don’t want to give, even to Mom or Dad. ALWAYS giving the CHILD the power over their OWN BODY.”

    Absolutely! How on earth are we supposed to teach our kids that they have the right to say no to somebody trying to touch them inappropriately, if we teach them they don’t have the right to say no to unwanted kisses and cuddles from friends and relatives (who are, after all, statistically a much greater risk)? How do I teach my daughter it’s okay to say no to that boy she doesn’t want to go too far with if I’ve already taught her it’s not okay to say no when Uncle Bill wants to give her a kiss?

  52. Greg Allan September 24, 2013 at 8:55 pm #

    @Ali…

    Women are responsible for at least a quarter of child sexual abuse and, because male perps are more likely to commit multiple offenses, are a larger proportion of the perpetrators than that quarter might suggest.

    Boys are the victims of a third of male committed abuse and female perps abuse boys almost exclusively. Outside the immediate home environment boys are actually more likely victims than girls and they are just as likely to be abused by either sex.

    In schools female perpetrators outnumber male perps by a factor of three to one and the most likely victim is a boy by a greater factor. In youth prisons in the US women, who are half the staff, commit 95% of the sexual abuse of inmates.

    It is one of the larger conceits in our communities that women don’t do these things. The consequence is that many of them can do so with impunity. The consequences for those like me – raped by an aunt as a seven year old – are mockery and ridicule AND an assumption that I am a likely kiddy fiddler due to something somebody else did to me when I was a child.

  53. Greg Allan September 24, 2013 at 9:11 pm #

    @JP…

    “Over history, most examples (in fact, probably all) of horrific and catastrophic mass abuses of women and children have been perpetrated by…………which gender?”

    Dishonest conflation of women with children. Women have always been the primary abusers of children.

    Simple unadorned truth…
    The majority of the victims of violence committed by males are boys and men. The majority of the victims of violence committed by females are boys and men. We treat none of them as real victims. Being a victim is now qualified by gender.

  54. Warren September 25, 2013 at 1:54 am #

    Had my daughters, 14 and 22 go over the article. There were two major points they came up with.
    1. It was commplete crap.
    2. If the planets alligned against them, and they were actually being attacked/chased by a molestor, according to the list they would have to find a woman to help protect them. They couldn’t run up to the big guy at the garage, or the biker, or the whatever man to save them, because they will probably be a pervert as well.