Over at Reason you’ll find my story of one Ms. Gordon (no first names — she’s been harassed enough). Ms. G lives in a leafy Philly suburb, has three sons, 5, 7, and 9, and darned if she doesn’t sometimes trust them to play together, or walk a few blocks, or even stand outside WITHOUT HER RIGHT THERE. The horror!
This has occasioned calls to the cops four different times. Each time, the cops have come, realized there was nothing to be concerned about, and left. Which is great. But wouldn’t it be better if the cops were allowed to — or chose to — or were encouraged to NOT BOTHER when the caller simply says, “There’s a kid outside without an adult”?
And, of course, wouldn’t it be better if the 911-callers simply watched to see if the child was okay, instead of narc-ing on the mom?
Incident #1
One time Ms. Gordon’s three kids were playing Pokemon Go a few hundred feet from the house. (She was in the front yard, gardening.) Someone called the cops, and they arrived at her home about the same time the kids did. What I love about that particular incident is that, as the mom wrote in a note: “My son [6 at the time] insisted on describing the whole Pokemon thing to this poor cop who I think decided to cut the visit short because of that.”
Let’s hear it for the power of narrative!
Incident #2
Another time, her youngest son went right outside the gym because it was boring to be inside with his mom watching his brother practice soccer. CALL THE COPS!
Incident #3
Another time one of the kids — 7 at the time — walked home a few blocks and was noticed by pickleballers in the park that’s literally across the street from his home. They asked if he was lost. He said, “I LIVE RIGHT THERE” — and pointed.
Still, they felt compelled to CALL THE COPS!
Incident #4
And a final time (so far), the same kid was allowed to walk home a few blocks behind his mom and younger brother. Frankly, he was dawdling. That’s not a crime, is it? He had to cross streets he’d crossed many times before.
But when you have a culture that has forgotten that kids are anything other than tragedies-about-to-occur, you will get somebody thinking they must CALL THE COPS! Why? To rescue kids and parents…who don’t need rescuing.
Sometimes the authorities realize that. Sometimes — well, yesterday I spoke with a mom literally arrested for letting her 5-year-old walk around his gated community. (In case HER behavior seems outrageous, let me assert that Rahelen Skenazy let 5-year-old ME walk around my non-gated community. Not because she was reckless. It was because we still saw 5-year-olds as people then, not poodles.)
There oughta be a law!
This is why Let Grow, the nonprofit I helm, works to help pass Reasonable Childhood Independence laws. These say that neglect is when you put your kid in REAL danger — not “could-somehow-maybe, god-forbid, worst-case-scenario, you-know-sometimes-lightning-strikes” danger. So far 13 states have passed such laws and now one has been introduced in Congress. As usual, it has bi-partisan sponsors because this is not a political problem
It is a PERCEPTION problem. If you can’t perceive that kids are born to explore, think, and grow without constant adult supervision, you will see one of these tragedies-about-to-occur walking around, reach for your phone and CALL THE COPS. And if the cops can’t see or recall that kids are okay without constant adult supervision, they will act accordinglyl
The only solution is to get kids out and about again so everyone’s perceptions get a re-set. And so does childhood.