Want Kids to Spend Less Time in the Virtual World? Give Them Back the Real One!

Are kids on their phones all the time because that’s what they love the most?

An explosive new Harris Poll finds that actually, what kids 8-12 REALLY want to do is hang out together in real life – with no adults hovering, and no screens.

They go online because that’s the only place they can meet up and have fun without constant adult supervision. Being glued to screens is their DEFAULT not their DESIRE.  

The Harris Poll gave kids a choice:

In an Atlantic piece I co-authored with Jonathan Haidt (author of The Anxious Generation and my Let Grow co-founder) and Zach Rausch (director of the Tech & Society Research Lab at NYU), we discuss a survey we conducted with the Harris Poll that asked 500 kids ages 8-12 to pick their favorite way to spend time with friends.

The choices:

A – Unstructured play, like pick-up basketball, or exploring the neighborhood.

B – Adult-led activities, like ballet or soccer.

C – Socializing online.

Result?

I realize this is blurry, but the graph shows the choices in A, B, C order — and it wasn’t even close. Kids desperately want to meet up in person. No tutus, trophies, parents or internet required – or even desired.

What kids need, we’re not giving them.

Basically, kids want an old-fashioned, Stranger-Things, Free-Range childhood! But the survey also told us  that this is almost an impossible dream, because kids are rarely allowed any free, unsupervised time.

The poll found that:

• Most kids are not allowed to be without an adult in public spaces (street, park, playground, stores).
• Most have rarely or never walked around without an adult.
• Fewer than half of the 8-9 year olds have even been to another aisle at the grocery on their own.
• More than a quarter of the 8-9 year olds – and 1 in 5 of the older kids — aren’t even allowed to play in their own front yard!

A little life.

Our kids are growing up under lockdown. Their childhoods are strangely adult when it comes to tech, and infantilized when it comes to real life. For instance, the poll found that more kids age 8-9 have talked to an AI chatbot than have ever used a sharp knife.

You might think we blame parents for this, but we don’t. We blame the fears, social norms, and laws that have made micro-management seem like the only decent way to raise kids.

But is it? Kids are more depressed than ever, according to the Surgeon General. So are parents. Today’s childhood isn’t working well for anyone.

Tech to the rescue?

The saving grace for kids – and the thing driving adults crazy – is that one escape hatch beckons: The screen! Kids who have never bought a Hershey bar on their own can conquer entire kingdoms online, and talk with everyone from schools friends to people halfway across the world.

We keep nagging at kids to get off their devices, but why would they? We give them so few real-life alternatives. But if we could step back and let them step up and out, kids would be engaged with the world outside their door. Nearly three-quarters of the kids in the Harris survey agreed, “I would spend less time online if there were more friends in my neighborhood to play with in person.”

No — Let Grow to the rescue!

Obviously, technology is attractive. But kids have a strong, almost Darwinian desire to play and roam the way most of us did.

Let Grow is dedicated to making that kind of childhood easy, normal and legal again. Our free programs for schools and parents encourage real-world independence and free play. And the “Reasonable Childhood Independence” laws we’ve passed in 11 states affirm the right of kids to play outside, walk to school, etc., etc., unsupervised – without their parents getting investigated for neglect. It’s not fair to blame kids for being online when we don’t let them go almost anywhere else.

And so, our Atlantic piece says:

“If parents want their kids to put down their phones, they need to start opening the front door.”

Do it now.