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Pitchforks are so 19th century. Today’s righteous mobs wield cell phone videos and Facebook likes.
Here’s the zarrbtnfza
video of a baby whose mom did not drag him into the gas station for a short errand, causing some modern day “hero” to whip out his cell phone, start videotaping, and swear about what a horrible mother this “bitch” is. When she returns, he curses her to her face. And since he made sure to videotape the mom’s license plate, now she is being investigated by the authorities.
And of course his video, which he posted on Facebook, has gone viral (2.5 million views) and inspired “investigative” reporting:
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If this isn’t an example of what the University of California Irvine researchers recently discovered about our judgment of moms, I don’t know what is.
Their study found that we are overestimating the danger of unsupervised children because we believe no decent mom would EVER take her eyes off her kids. And once we have judged a mom as immoral, that judgment makes us unconsciously amp up the amount of danger we truly believe the child to be in: a feedback loop of self-righteousness. It’s an amazing study. Read about it here.
But the problem we must deal with is this: People not only judge parents, they get off on hating them. It gives them a moral high.
This is what Theodore Dalrymple describes as “toxic sentimentality.” That’s when people believe that they are so tenderhearted, they are morally superior to anyone who is not excessively outraged by any perceived danger, especially to a child. And that allows them to get out the pitchforks. They get two thrills for the price of one: Despising a person they deem morally inferior, and feeling morally superior for that hate.
The description of Dalrymple’s book includes this perfect line:
Theodore Dalrymple unmasks the hidden sentimentality that is suffocating public life. Under the multiple guises of raising children well…and doing good generally, we are achieving quite the opposite — for the single purpose of feeling good about ourselves.
Not that all concern for children and the less fortunate is selfish, of course. Just that when you see people screaming about how tenderhearted they are, check to see what they do next: Offer to actually help? Or get out the pitchfork/videocamera? – L
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Yay! A mom who can serve as an object for my hate and self-righteousness!Â
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Took the kids fishing yesterday, pulled into the gas station right on the highway near the house to get them some snacks, parked next to the cop car, went inside, cop was getting coffee, got my stuff, walked out and drove on…
And none of the other people who entered after I did said a word.
I saw this on the news and was disgusted. The man accosts the woman and shouts profanities at her — the windows are open and the child he is so concerned about is right there. Also, he and the reporter are talking about her leaving an infant alone. They’ve blurred his face but by the looks of his limbs, he is far from being an infant. He is not heard fussing or crying in the video — so apparently he didn’t know he was in distress.
Also, what I thought was interesting is that the windows were open and the mom’s purse was open on the front seat — it was clear that she did not intend to be gone long. She didn’t come back holding anything. I figured that maybe she had pumped her gas and got an error message that she had to go in for a receipt.
The fact is, neither the toddler, the purse nor the car were stolen. All were fine so really the only issue with the decision was the jack@$$ with the phone–who, in fact, could have just hung out and waited to be sure that nothing happened to the kid while his mom was in the store.
If you need to swear at someone and be disrespectful to make your point, you might need to check your moral outrage.
On the one hand, I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave a baby in the car with the car unlocked and the windows down, and the car running. However, my fear wouldn’t be that someone was intending to kidnap the baby (because that is super rare), but rather steal the car (far more commonplace) with the baby in it.
However, the response of both the guy with the camera and his FB buddies posting to him is the ultimate example of overprotective paranoia. So many comments about how it is a miracle that no one kidnapped the baby in the few minutes she left him unattended, and that is by the grace of god only that the guy who taped this was not a baby snatcher himself. It is very clear that these folks think that the streets are filled with kidnappers just waiting for an opportunity to strike, and any mom who leaves their child for a second (never mind a few minues – gasp) is practically taking out a advertisement advertising a free baby for any criminals to abduct.
Although I think the unlocked/running car is the problem with this scenario, I think it’s safe to say that the folks freaking out about this would have freaked out even if the car had been locked and turned off. Also, even though I don’t think what she did was a good idea, I also wouldn’t have sought to publicly shame her or get her arrested were I a witness to this.
But seriously WHO takes their baby in to pay for petrol?
“Pitchforks are so 19th century. Today’s righteous mobs wield cell phone videos and Facebook likes.”
This is so sad, because under the guise of “Help save the babies!” these actions ultimately tear families apart. Publicly shaming moms and outright verbally harassing them in parking lots becomes an acceptable practice instead of doing the right thing, which is wait by the car until the mom returns and having a civilized conversation.
Honestly? I would have been a bit concerned about this situation…mainly as there’s a purse, an open window, and the car is left running. It’s pretty stupid to leave your possessions and child vulnerable and makes this car an easy target. I would have waited by the car and told the mom (in the kindest possible way) I was looking out for her because someone could have stolen her purse/car/baby and perhaps next time she locks up a bit better. You can leave the kid in the car for a quick errand…but this isn’t the way to do it.
“FOX25 spoke with McGrath’s father on the phone.
‘I’m not going to explain anything to you or anyone else. I know this guy was in the wrong,’ he said. ”
Sir, you are 100% completely correct.
I’m not usually an advocate for violence, but some people sorely test that stance.
What IS this, How to make the world a worse place for Dummies??!
This is ridiculous. As usual, another mom getting judged for not being perfect. I thought it was crazy that the neighbors who have known her since she was a kid, acted like she killed her baby and ate the baby for breakfast. And I may be wrong, I avoid Facebook because of the podeum/ huge soap box rants people go on, but whenever I happen to see one of these type of things, it seems to be mostly men do this recording and shaming. Just curious…
She should have done the responsible thing and driven away without paying!
I can’t tell you the number of times I left my infants and uncaged toddlers completely alone for as many as six hours as I lay stone-cold asleep in the dark many yards from their bedrooms. They would awaken wailing for my attention, poor things, until they were old enough to wake up singing.
Also, If I am the criminal passing by at that exact moment, am I going for the low-hanging fruit of grabbing the purse from the open window and running, or am I going full-bore grand theft auto plus child abduction on a whim? I mean, if she felt safe enough leaving her purse by an open window, how dangerous a spot could it have been? Only the moral-thrill-seeker made it dangerous.
Would I have made her exact choice (car running, open window?) No. I still say, if the guy was really worried, he could have just sat and watched to make sure things were OK for a while.
If this ever happens to me, I hope I have the presence of mind to thank the stranger for keeping an eye on my kid. Tell them that I knew I could run into the store real quick because I knew that some concerned ‘righteous’ citizen with a cell phone would start filming and therefore nothing bad would happen. After all, what criminal is going to kidnap a baby while he’s being filmed.
In thinking about it, what right did this guy have to post video of this woman’s child on Facebook. Isn’t that where all the creeps go to scour for pictures of kids to go after? He posted the location and everything. So, it was he who endangered the child….
And while everyone was so busy judging the mom — did anyone else think that it was nice that she takes the kid and actually interacts with her elderly neighbors?
Good grief! What a tool – the guy, just to be clear.
Lets do a little thought experiment. If I go to a gas station, and get out of the car to pump gas, and leave my child in the car seat while I do so, is that endangerment?
No? Well, then how about if I check the oil, and wash the windows?
Also no? OK then, how about if I walk 10 feet away to grab the air hose for inflating my vehicle’s tires?
Still OK? Then how about I walk 25 feet (and open the door to the counter area) to ask the attendant to turn on the compressor?
Hmmmm. Lets up the ante – I now go all the way inside the building (25 feet away) to thank the attendant and get a receipt. Clearly *now* I am endangering my child, yes?
Cause if I’m not, then neither was the young woman in the video.
“This is ridiculous. As usual, another mom getting judged for not being perfect.”
No, she’s being judged for not abiding by an arbitrary standard that isn’t even related to perfection or the lack thereof. That just makes it even more ridiculous.
Clearly this man has ADD–attention deficit disorder. As in I’M NOT GETTING ENOUGH ATTENTION! Sheesh.
I once had neighbours who let their baby nap in a pram on the patio which was open to a communal backyard of a large multi-storey housing complex (not quite a public area but almost). The mom was doing her work around the house and casually kept an eye on the baby through the window. She was trusting that nothing bad would happen and the baby got lots of fresh air.
In the same town, you could often see people parking their prams in front of shops while they were running errands. (Either because it was a hastle getting the pram into the shop, or because they didn’t want to take their baby’s coat off or have them sweat in a warm shop).
Some people are just less worried about small risks (I, for instance, rarely lock my bike and never had it stolen).
The mom in the article seems just to be a trusting person.
“Our days are happier when we give people a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind.”
We really need to turn the tables on these BAD samaritans/busybodies/”I need to feel superior by berating someone with foul language and videotaping it to document my douchecanoe status” and let them know that this type of harassment is unacceptable. File a report immediately with the store manager that a customer was stalking you in the parking lot and taping you and your baby. What.A.Creep. If moms can get news coverage for being followed in a supermarket…
Ambushing a young mom and verbally berating her and baby with curses and then using social media to get her charged with reckless endangerment, what a great citizen you are!
I’m sure this *outstanding citizen* volunteers his time in the 20 lb. newborn room at the local church nursery all the time.
And what’s with the elderly neighbors who act like she left her baby in the Easy Bake Car Oven and disregard all of their observations of her as a good, loving mother? No Christmas cookies this year for you! Booo.
@pentamom – it’s all madness. I miss the days when people didn’t feel so entitled to randomly butt in on the life of someone they didn’t even know.
I left my 3-year-old and 9-month-old in the car for three minutes yesterday while I ran into the gas station. I even had the key in ignition to run the air conditioner because it was still pretty hot in Utah and I do have this crazy fear of my kids roasting in the car. That fear, even somewhat irrational, trumps my fear of someone stealing my car.
Nothing happened.
If you are truly worried about the kids, stick around. Be part of the village. You can always freak out later if a real problem arises. Or, better yet, help out if a real problem arises. Yay villages!
On a tangent, I’m a big fan of the children’s books by Jennifer L. Holm. I read her new one “Full of Beans” yesterday. It takes place in Key West during the Great Depression. The 10-year-old protagonist sets up a business babysitting (mostly pulling around babies in his wagon) for the tourists–who tended to pay him and his young associates in candy.
@lollipoplover – lmao! I felt the same way about the neighbors reaction. I am so tired of seeing these self important asses doing these types of things, it’s crazy how the tone of voice is all the same in the few videos I’ve watched. The douche bags are so self righteous. I just wish I could witness someone doing this to a parent, so I could pop in with my phone and ream their ass. Knock them off their lame high horse and make them feel stupid.
I was supremely impressed that the young mom didn’t yell back or resort to calling him names. I am MUCH older than she is and would not have stayed so calm.
This whole thing reminds me of an episode of Once Upon a Time, where Mary Margaret is struggling to put the stroller in the car after she’s loaded the baby, and Dr. Hopper comes over and starts telling her – in the nicest tone possible, of course – that she’s doing mothering wrong, and all I could think during the whole scene was “are you going to help her with the stroller or what?”. Seriously, be a self-righteous jerk, no matter how you’re talking, or give the mom a freaking hand.
And as an aside, I was just telling my husband yesterday that in the age of the internets it’s frustrating that so many people have lost the ability to keep their mouth shut and their opinions to themselves. Seriously, if it’s not a life-or-death situation, you should keep your parenting opinions to yourself.
Well the neighbours… you never know what people were really saying when you just hear a sentence cut out of context. Maybe they were even on her side, all they said was that they thought she was taking good care of the baby. They could, aswell feel a bit important about themselves for being on TV.
By the way, is it legal to film and publish close up pictures/videos of a person who hasn’t consented to it?
Unfortunately, this man is being treated like a hero by all his FB friends and the vast majority of strangers. This is a very young mom who, according to her neighbors and all appearances, loves her child and made one decision that might not have the been the best. All of us have made many decisions that, on hindsight, probably weren’t ideal. Honestly, I would have been more concerned about leaving my purse visible, because your average criminal is much more interested in an easy theft than baby-napping. For one arguably poor decision, she has been called a stupid b— and a dumb a– repeatedly by internet strangers and told she should have her baby taken away, was charged with reckless endangerment, and faces a protective services investigation. What a hero he is.
@lele-
There’s a fundamental lack of human decency in this encounter. These types SHOULD be called out for what they are doing. Yes, film the cameraman. Ask him why he is taking film of a baby. Does he have the mother’s permission? Question the motives and legality of smearing someone on social media.
We used to look out for parents with small kids and babies, help open a door or offer assistance for the person with their hands full. Now, catching them in a non-crime GOTCHA and blasting it out so that Facebook Court is in session and all of the perfect parents (mostly non-parents) behind keyboards crucify the mom and the court of public opinion causes the police to charge this mom and drag her through our already overburdened family court system.
Stand by the car and wait if you are concerned!
Blasting them on social media is spite, not concern.
What.A.Douche.
I should hope if this were to have happened to me I would have had the presence of mind to call the police and report a verbal assault and intimidation. You want to get AHEAD of the problem here.
I wonder if she had called the police while he was standing there screaming at her and calling her obscenities and she waited for the police to arrive and take her statement that the story would have been a little different. Because when you’re completely upfront with the officers about the situation it takes the entire weight of bad judgement off of you.
“Thank you for coming, Officer. I went inside to get my receipt and I come outside to find this man filming my child without my permission and then he starts screaming at me and making threatening comments towards me. I was terrified of him following me and doing me harm!”
Suddenly big shot nobody dude looks less like a concerned citizen and more like a deranged lunatic.
“By the way, is it legal to film and publish close up pictures/videos of a person who hasn’t consented to it?”
If they are in a public place, then yes.
There are a few exceptions. But generally, the things you do publicly are public.
“I wonder if she had called the police while he was standing there screaming at her and calling her obscenities and she waited for the police to arrive and take her statement that the story would have been a little different.”
Yes, but probably not the way you’d prefer.
It’s probably against the law to leave a small child in the vehicle with the motor running but the operator absent. “Motor running” turns out to be one of those “no-no”s that the cops pick up on.
Isn’t this silly and foolish!?
A better course of action would be to go inside and express realistic concerns, if there were any.
What gain in this ridiculous course except self aggrandizement and ego?
Oh, I forget: that’s what we do these days.
If I was the baby’s father, the guy making the video would need the assistance of a Proctologist to get his phone back.
I don’t understand people these days. While I wouldn’t have done what she did, I don’t think that automatically means she’s a horrible mother & deserves to lose her child. When did people start thinking like this? It’s disgusting. 🙁
I am so ashamed of what our country is becoming. What a sad time we live in. I guess it’s 1984. This hyper vigilance needs to stop. This video disgusts me.
Jim Collins
My feelings exactly. Hell if I had been there to see him doing this things would have turned out very different.
Entertainment is paramount. Facebook likes take priority over morals. I wonder what it would be like if Facebook, Youtube, and mobile phones were around 200 years ago. You could broadcast hate crimes internationally! Furthermore, you’d be considered a hero for it!
Target fixation is a problem. A person can become so focused on producing a video and obtaining likes that they become completely unaware of how they can destroy lives! Morals are a distracting nuisance.
I have never cried over these things before but this one made me. The comments attached to the video were so completely vulgar, they reflect the type of glee that Lenore wrote aboutin the article. It is sickening.
Why are people like this? It was 3minutes, she left her bag in the front seat wide open (which is more likely to get stolen, come on).
@lollipop
I half agree with you. Rather than telling the mother what we think she should have been doing. I think we should kindly watch her car for her, and then tell our friends – tell our friends that we all really should start kindly looking out for each other.
I think that that would make for an awesome society.
I always pay cash for my gas, which means I go in to pay. Never, not once, have I EVER unstrapped my son (he’s 5) from his car seat and dragged him into the store to pay for my gas. It would literally not occur to me.
“Why are people like this? It was 3minutes, she left her bag in the front seat wide open (which is more likely to get stolen, come on).”
This has nothing to do with whether or not she is a bad mom. The only reason for this is to get likes on Facebook. Some people are so shallow that their main purpose in life is to get the approval of others. His performance was theatrical. He played the part of someone that was concerned for the safety of the baby. His true motive was to be ‘holier than thou’.
Hold up. We’re supposed to take the baby out of the car seat and into the gas station to get the receipt? How is that a thing?
I wish there was something we could charge that p—- with.
Anyone reposts that on my news feed, they will get a piece of my mind.
Three minutes. They have it documented as 3 minutes, window down, doesn’t even look like a sunny day. Clearly the child was in no danger.
And all the reporters etc. were so cold and ruthless too.
Makes me wanna hate.
Wish I could comment on his page.
World is full of idiots.
I feel sorry for my kids – they have to grow up and deal with these assholes. Maybe they’ll just decide not to have kids.
Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
Hate leads to suffering
— Yoda
What if somebody lit a cigarette near the gas pumps and there was an explosion that killed the baby and everybody nearby? Parents should be arrested for bringing children anywhere near a gas station.
Quick someone find where tht ass lives so I can kick his ass probably don’t even have a kid to relate. I didn’t see the video but my money say it’s a white dude. Sorry
I always have to disagree with those who say (paraphrased) “be a good citizen, stand there and watch the kid til the mom gets back.”
More than likely, the mother loves her child more than random passersby, and has made a considered decision that it’s safe to leave him/her for 3 minutes in that particular situation. She should not have to return to the car to find “good citizens” standing around watching her child when she, the actual mother, determined that he/she did not need staring at for the 3 minutes she was gone. Her decisions are still being overridden by the village, although not nearly as negatively as the guy in this story did, and that seems just as judgmental (“you left him alone, so I kept an eye on him for you”) and risk-averse to me.
Don’t think I’ll bother watching, don’t want these morons to get another hit. Just appalling what people find acceptable to berate people about.
Can’t work out how to share it, but did anyone else see the story today about the two preschoolers who crashed the family car while attempting to visit Grandma? Assumed they were Australians, but it looks like you still have some kids with gumption over there, because they were from the US ☺.
It is unfortunate, but until this won’t stop anytime soon. I read a few of the comments on this guy’s post and they were mostly supportive of his actions.
What are the police charging her with? This mother is going to be out thousands, face a child welfare investigation/nightmare because someone filmed her doing a legal action.
http://www.mass.gov/courts/case-legal-res/law-lib/laws-by-subj/about/childabusefaq.html
In Commonwealth v. Nebel , 59 Mass. App. Ct. 316, 321 (2003), the court explained that briefly leaving a child alone in a car was not child abandonment under MGL c.119, s.39 :
“If this activity [leaving child alone in car], albeit ill-advised, were meant to be criminalized, the Legislature could have written a more extensive child endangerment statute. Compare 720 Ill. Comp. Stat. Ann. 5/12-21.6 (b) (West 2002) (“There is a rebuttable presumption that a person committed the offense [endangering the life or health of a child] if he or she left a child 6 years of age or younger unattended in a motor vehicle for more than 10 minutes”). That the actions of the defendant were foolish and a lapse of judgment, as DSS observed, is self-evident. To equate abandonment with poor judgment, however, is a leap we are not prepared to take. The defendant left his daughter for an undetermined amount of time, traveling a relatively short distance away. There was no indication that he did not have the intention to return shortly; indeed the evidence was to the contrary. This cannot form the basis for a criminal conviction of abandonment.”
@Buffy–
I think the sticking around and watching is to pacify the worried person. Stepping in and helping the mom if something happens is great. Waiting because you are concerned that something will happen — stick around but you are doing it for you.
“What are the police charging her with?”
Upsetting a guy with a Facebook account.
“What are the police charging her with? This mother is going to be out thousands, face a child welfare investigation/nightmare because someone filmed her doing a legal action.”
Most states draw the line at leaving the kids in a RUNNING car.
It turns out that it can be illegal to leave the car running in Massachusetts, whether there’s kids in it or not.
https://malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartI/TitleXIV/Chapter90/Section13
Not that I am necessarily equating the two scenarios, but aren’t we getting a moral high from vilifying the guy who took the video? Of course from my perspective his behavior is abominable and inexcusable, but I have to admit I do feel a bit judge-y and smug about having a morally superior position to the people jumping on his “vilify the horrible mother” bandwagon. It’s tough to figure out a way to have a calm and rational discussion with facebook strangers, but how is it helpful for us to sit on this clearly biased forum and lambaste them?
No parent should ever sleep. Alone in their beds for hours at a time, the children could be kidnapped, suffocate, or, get bitten by a mosquito.
How dare any of us parents sleep.
Would the “concerned citizen” have berated the baby’s parent if it had been a six-foot-three, tough-looking man, rather than a woman?
I doubt it.
There’s a distinct element of misogyny in almost all of these cases of people judging what they consider sub-par parenting. A dad with a baby in a back-carrier, strolling through a convenience store and selecting a six-pack of beer and some beef jerky is looked upon as cute; a little oafish but cute. A woman who did that would be condemned as a bad mom.
@Jill,
Did you ever see the bit with the life like crying baby doll left in the car? It would be interesting to re-create that same experiment only have a man come out of the store instead of a woman. Try to keep him more or less on the same script, and see how that turns out.
It’s socially acceptable stalking, it’s unethical to tape someone without consent, to verbal abuse anyone, and TO STALK them. Our ‘heroes’ are just yesteryear’s crazies.
“Would the “concerned citizen†have berated the baby’s parent if it had been a six-foot-three, tough-looking man, rather than a woman?
I doubt it.”
That’s different. Men aren’t SUPPOSED to know any better.
Yes, there’s a certain amount of misogyny at work, but misandry just looks different.
Looks like the video has been taken down. I noticed that he apologized to her in a facebook post before the video was taken down saying that if he had known what was going to happen to her, he wouldn’t have posted the video. Of course all the comments below that were trying to assure him that he had done the right thing etc. Maybe he got a taste of how you can actually harm a real person and didn’t like it so much. Who knows.
Social media needs to go away. People should just stop using the waste of time and leave sites like Facebook to decay in the hands of the attention seekers.
“The neighbors were shocked because she always seemed to take such good care of the baby.” Oh come on now, this is just getting silly. She did and still does take good care of the baby! What do they think, the baby is happy and healthy somehow without her?! Why does 1 minute dictate what kind of parent you are?! Glad her family is “standing by her” or however they phrase it. This whole thing is just so unbelievably stupid.
Also, if this mythical kidnapper was going to take the baby, would the A-hole with the phone have stopped them? Wouldn’t other people have stopped them, since there were so many people there? Wow, what a jerk.
As far as I know, Massachusetts is a TWO party consent state. So she was correct when she asks the man about consent. She needs to sue him.
Joan,
That is actually a really good point.
@Paul M, That is an interesting piece of information and not the first time I have heard that such people have wound up regretting the outcome of what they set in motion. I’ve seen it with cases of kids left in cars. And I recall the dog walker who called 911 on the Meitiv children was horrified that the kids were held without food, contact with their parents, or notification to their parents, until late into the night. But the remorse of these people, the fact that the main witnesses don’t think the punishment fits what they themselves reported, gets very little play.
I think that is in part because our society is addicted to simplistic narratives. It is the very force that doesn’t leave room for seeing the difference between a kid left in a car in office parking lot, and at the gas pump; the difference between a hot summer day, and a cold winter day. The difference between a parent who is drunk or high forgetting a baby in the car; and the parent of an grade school kid letting the kid sit and read a book while mom grabs a gallon of milk.
And while it is hard to keep in mind the humanity of someone who we first see acting like a self righteous vigilante. I do think that there is some power in remembering, and reminding society, of these cases of remorse. That when the reality of what they set in motion becomes clear, this is NOT what they wanted. Hopefully it will make people think harder before calling 911, hopefully that fact can be used to make them think more carefully about what they might report or post on line, and hopefully it would increase the push for changing the laws so that a moral outrage 911 call is less likely to endanger families.
This is the complete opposite of the brains of children. When we are growing up, we are experiencing new things. And act on them. It’s part of every humans growth, since the dawn of humans. Learning, exploring, expriencing. That’s part of life. But for some adults (especially in this day and age), they experienced a lot of things. The older you are, the more you’ve gone through. And for some, they are so inundated with information, it’s overloading their reasoning. They become fearful. Seeing things that aren’t really there. Believing things, that make no sense (only to them). Regardless of age, the human brain CAN be conditioned, and re-conditioned. And with technology and media, it’s easier to do so now, than 25+ years ago. This is why we have these video vigilantes. Most THINK they are doing it for the children. But in reality, consciously or subconsciously, they are doing it for themselves. It’s their way of garnering attention. Not different than why people enjoy posting a pic of their food online before eating. You ask them why? They have no valid reason, but they will make one to make themselves feel better about the irrelevant and insignificant actions they do.
Here’s another similar outrageous story of social media mom shaming:
http://thestir.cafemom.com/parenting_news/200460/abandoned_baby_video_posted_online?ct=piping_hot_1
In this one, the horrible neglectful parents left their poor defenseless infant peacefully sleeping in its carrier in their booth at a restaurant while they walked all the way to the other side of the room to fill their plates at the buffet. They were gone for four whole minutes before returning to their table. While they could probably still see their child from the other side of the room, they probably would not be fast enough to stop a kidnapper from snatching the child in a crowded public place. Thank god this good samaritan was there to videotape that child’s harrowing ordeal and post it online for all to judge.
I can’t believe the police actually investigated the parents because of this. The article itself is pretty reasonable, but the mom-shaming in the comment section is pretty disgusting.
@Melissa, the comments on that link are ridiculous, including the one along the lines of “do you know how many kidnappers there are today?” Yup, and they all go to Chinese buffets hoping against hope that the perfect opportunity will arise.
@Beth-
Perhaps it’s an all-you-steal-babies special at the Chinese buffet restaurant.
Uggh. I couldn’t resist. I read the comments on that article.
“This woman is a horrible mother for thinking it’s okay to get food and leave a baby unattended.”
We’ve become a society of parents who pass instant judgement from a cell video on social media and say mean things behind the protective bubble of a computer.
What about the father? Is he exempt from the bashing for getting more all-you-can eat crab legs?
It’s like Mom Bashing/Shaming is a sport and everyone is a Monday morning quarterback. Should the mom or dad balance the infant carrier with a piled-on plate of hot food? Risk burns to the baby or stab her in the eye with a crab leg? It’s a baby, not an atomic bomb set to detonate when *unattended*.
It’s stuff like the video @Melissa mentioned. And this idea that a responsible parent never, ever, takes their eyes off the kid, that made me such a neurotic new mom. That is the sort of thinking that made me once afraid to eat for fear of looking like a bad mother. I was at a Jewish film festival, really wanted to see the movie, but I was terrified the whole time of being judged. I sat right by the door to escape in case of crying, and timed my daughter’s feeding and nap so that she would nurse for the first 1/2 hour of the movie and then fall asleep for the rest. Afterward there was food and a discussion. I planed ahead not to eat because I thought anyone would frown on me for putting the kid down to go get food, and the thought that she might cry if I put her down had me really paralyzed.
I suppose I should have known better. The Jewish grandma next to me, very much like my own, was appalled that I wasn’t eating more than a bit of popcorn. She, told me quite firmly to take care of myself, and offered to hold my baby. I nearly started crying from the sheer relief of being told that it was okay to take care of myself, and amazement that anyone these days didn’t hold a woman in contempt for failure or refusal to manage her kid every second of every day without doing anything sub-optimal nurturing or supervision wise, especially when out of the house. In fact once everyone at the table heard what was up with me, there were many helping hands. I was a little profuse in my thanks, I think. And the grandma who started it all was appalled that I ever thought I had to do everything all on my own, and more so that I thought no one would help a mom with something so simple as holding a baby for a few minutes. Thank heaven for independent minded ladies with chupstzpa.
I would smash someone’s phone in 2 seconds for recording my child. I did not give you permission. Now they can arrest me for something tangible since leaving a child in a car here in Massachusetts is not against the law.
Kassandra – no one needs your permission to take photos/videos in public (even of you and/or your child). In PUBLIC there is no assumption of privacy. If you smashed someone’s phone for doing something perfectly legal, you would be the one charged with property damage.
A journalist could take your child’s photo for a news article and wouldn’t need your permission.
Anyone could take your child’s photo and use it in a non-profit way without your permission.
The only time they need your permission is if they use your child’s image for business/for-profit purposes. I think your confusing the fact that a model needs to sign a release allowing their photo to be used for commercial use with the idea that anyone in general needs to sign a release to use a photo for anything.
I 1000% understand other people’s legal rights to film anything they want. my comment still stans.
http://m.providencejournal.com/article/20160903/news/160909778
Read the comments
This happened to me.
About a month ago, I was making a mad dash to my doctor’s office, late in picking up a prescription at the desk. My son had dragged his feet getting dressed, eating breakfast, and finally getting into the car before it was almost closing time. When we parked, my son started protesting going inside with me. After trying to convince my 4 year old to GET OUT OF THE CAR for a minute, I threw my hands up and said “fine. Stay here.”
I cranked up the air conditioning, left the car running, and locked the doors with the locking remote before running into the office, 20 feet away. I was in there for 4 minutes. I watched the giant clock above the secretary’s head, looking out the window at the car while I waited.
I ran outside when I was done, and there was a young woman with 3 young children under, say, 5 hanging on her/in a stroller.
“IS THIS YOUR CAR?!” She screamed at me, while holding a cell phone on her ear.
“Yes. Is everything ok?” I asked
“No! You left your baby in the car! I have been waiting here watching him for 10 minutes! I am on the phone with the police, they know your license number. Stay here until the police get here. What is wrong with you?! You NEVER leave children in the car!”
I tried to explain that the car was locked, the a/c was on, that he wouldn’t come out of the car and I tried, no, it had only been a few minutes and why are you screaming…
“No. You NEVER LEAVE A CHILD. I am on the phone with the cops….yes sir, she is backing up and leaving now, she is driving a blue…”
I rolled up my window. I was shaking, scared, a pit in my stomach. My son was traumatized by this woman screaming at me for longer than I was gone.
The real interesting part is when I told this story to a few of my friends, one of them said they had read a facebook post from an old friend about a horrible mother leaving their child in the car to bake for 20 minutes. It was the same woman who attacked us.
And ALL the comments congratulated her on her efforts in saving my obviously very neglected 4 year old.
Now, instead of bringing my child with me on short errands, I ask my deaf roommate to watch my son. Which in some ways is much more risky. But I am seriously scarred by the event.