Are daily photos from overnight camp a big issue? Probably not the biggest. But they are part of a culture where parents have increasingly come to expect the ability to watch their kids at all times, even from afar — or at least have been trained to expect this by organizations eager to provide surveillance-as-a-service.
Standing tall against this tide is Georgia Del Favero, Executive Director of Camp Birchwood in Laporte, Minnesota. At this overnight camp for girls 6 to 17, Georgia’s bucking the trend of uploading daily photos for parents. Instead, she sends out photos once a week.
This is so remarkable that I called Georgia to ask what prompted her decision. Below is our conversation, edited for clarity and length.
Georgia Del Favero: I was a camper here myself 2001-2004 and back then, there was a photographer, but they took maybe a couple of good shots for our calendar. It’s a gift to come to camp and exist in this space where it’s okay to make mistakes because nobody’s recording them.
Lenore Skenazy: So much of kids’ lives is spent with someone – including themselves – documenting it.
GDF: I sort of bemoan the inability to get away from documentation, whether it’s for your parents, or you later, or your friends or social media.
LS: But your camp takes some photos?
GDF: We do, and post them once a week. It’s so incredibly difficult for parents to disconnect – and I don’t blame them for that.
LS: Me neither. Technology sort of addicts us to it.
Daily photos don’t even make nervous parents happier.
GDF: But the parents that really think they need [daily photos] are the ones that are most disappointed when they get them.
LS: Because?
GDF: You might get one or two shots of somebody having an incredible time. But for the most part, someone is concentrating.
LS: Which doesn’t necessarily look like joy. Then the parents are stuck worrying that their kid isn’t happy.
GDF: When we bought the camp in 2021, they were posting photos on a more regular basis. We also took away Bunk Notes.
LS: What are those?
Constant connection can actually stunt growth.
GDF: You can email your kid and the office prints it out and gives it to them. Then the kid can flip it over and write a letter back. We felt the same thing with Bunk Notes as with daily photos – that means you can’t actually disconnect.
LS: You, the kid?
GDF: You’re missing out on some of the primary benefits of going to camp – going on this adventure by yourself – if you can get a message to your mom within 12 hours.
LS: The parent doesn’t get any experience in being separated either. It’s like the rest of the year for them: Another day when they can see and comment on whatever their kid is doing.
GDF: Say you’re at camp and you want to do something you’ve never done before. You want to go sailing. Being reminded, “But you’re afraid of deep water!” keeps you in a box. You’re reminded of this version of you that is tethered by this fear, or experience, or memory.
LS: So no daily photos or emails is –
GDF: Like the freedom to forget. The freedom to move on. And your relationship with your child will expand when you get back together.
The joy of realizing your kid is growing up.
LS: What I used to hear in the era before daily photos was that you’d pick up your kid after four or eight weeks, and you just could not believe how much they’d grown. Physically, of course. But also: now they eat blueberries, or make their own bed, or have a new friend! You see they’ve changed! But nothing looks like it’s changing when you’re staring at it. It’s only the out-of-town aunt who says, “Oh, look how she’s grown!” These days we are watching our kids so constantly – in real life and electronically – that it’s hard to see any growth.
GDF: But some parents tell me, “I’m having such a hard time with not seeing the constant updates.”
LS: They need reassurance that their kid is okay.
GDF: They call it “Proof of life.” They say, “I want proof of life that my daughter is okay.”
LS: It’s a joke, but it’s also something I’ve been thinking about for a while. Death is so much at the forefront of parents’ minds now – that’s why they say it that way. When I walked to school back in the day, my mom didn’t see me from 9 to 3. That was normal. Now parents have to see or track their kids to feel reassured. But tracking isn’t providing “peace of mind.” Peace of mind is what my mom had, because she got used to not seeing me. Requiring constant reassurance is the opposite. Anxiety.
Anxiety feels awful.
GDF: Before we got Camp Birchwood, my husband Samuel and I were living in California. I was a divorce attorney, he was in medical research. And with the lockdown and the wildfires, my baseline anxiety was so high that at some point I started waking up in the middle of the night convinced that Samuel, who was sleeping next to me, was dying. And I would wake him out of a deep sleep to make sure he was okay. And of course, he was.
LS: Wow.
GDF: This seemed abnormal and I didn’t like it and I talked to my therapist and I learned the only way to get it to stop –
LS: Stop waking your husband –
GDF: Was to stop doing it. I learned that shaking him awake was kind of hardwiring this response to keep happening, because I felt I only was going to be okay if I woke him up. And I think it’s the same thing –
LS: With the daily camp photos!
Exposure therapy, camp style.
GDF: When you love your kids as much as you love your kids and you send them away, you’re feeling anxious and you need that reassurance that they’re okay. Parents are relieved when they get it.
LS: But it’s short-lived. Like it was for you. What they really need is to believe that their kid is okay even when they – the parents — are NOT getting constant reassurance. It’s like exposure therapy: You need exposure to letting your husband sleep through the night. And parents need exposure to some separation. So do you advertise this as a psychological perk: Anxiety reduction via fewer photos?
GDF: No. The thing is, you don’t have to be excited about [not getting many photos] in order to take the leap and experience all the benefits of it. If anything, if you’re terrified of it, you probably need it more than anybody. Which means you probably stand to benefit more than anybody, too.
Lenore here: Over at Let Grow we have a list of phone-free camps. Click here to see it!