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Grieving Mom Warns: “This Could Happen to Any Family with a 300-Pound Pet Python”

September 30, 2016

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All hail The Onion and it’s “Today Now” show! As the host notes of this story, “It’s the moment that every parent with a 20-foot long snake fears most, and one you can’t possibly predict.”

(Sorry about the 30-sec ad before it…which I don’t even understand):

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Little Jack Shaw and his pet python.

Little Jack Shaw and his pet python.

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15 Responses to Grieving Mom Warns: “This Could Happen to Any Family with a 300-Pound Pet Python”

  1. DrTorch September 30, 2016 at 8:55 am #

    The pic w/ the mouse costume is too much.

    Great Friday funny.

  2. lollipoplover September 30, 2016 at 9:22 am #

    “Jaws is like a son to us”

    I’m dying here.

    “To donate to buy a much needed Therapy Snake”

    Thanks for the laughs this morning. The sensationalism in the media of accidental deaths in children is nauseating. I’m loving the Onion News Network, so hard to tell which is real and fake anymore.

  3. M September 30, 2016 at 10:17 am #

    LOL!

  4. angie September 30, 2016 at 10:20 am #

    Saw the picture and couldn’t watch the video. I hate you, this is almost as bad as clowns.

  5. Vicki Bradley September 30, 2016 at 10:23 am #

    I couldn’t stop laughing the whole time I was watching this. I love the part where the mom talks leaving her son and the snake playing together, while she went shopping, then to the movies. Also, it’s hilarious the way the tone of the show becomes so cheery so quickly when the anchors, with big smiles on their faces, are introducing the next segment.

  6. Michelle September 30, 2016 at 10:49 am #

    OMG, for a second I thought this was real. You got me!

  7. Powers September 30, 2016 at 12:00 pm #

    Isn’t this segment actually satirizing those of us who don’t want to blame parents for every tragedy?

  8. pentamom September 30, 2016 at 1:57 pm #

    I don’t know why you have a problem with this. If it prevents even one family from allowing their python to babysit their child, it doesn’t matter how unusual it is, it’s worth publicizing.

  9. pentamom September 30, 2016 at 1:59 pm #

    Powers — or maybe it’s just laughing along with us at the idea that if parents are not heaped with guilt and judged by paranoid standards, there will be no common sense about putting children in dangerous situations.

  10. sexhysteria October 1, 2016 at 3:25 am #

    Incredible insight!

  11. Avin October 1, 2016 at 5:22 pm #

    God Bless the Onion, oh how I love them so. Thanks for sharing Lenore.

    I came across this fitting parenting gem too. I probably look like this when I’m out alone with my three. Hahah

    http://www.theonion.com/article/single-woman-3-young-children-unaware-she-subject–51039?utm_content=Main&utm_campaign=SF&utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing

  12. BL October 1, 2016 at 7:44 pm #

    @Avin
    “I came across this fitting parenting gem too”

    And there was this:

    http://www.theonion.com/article/report-cost-of-raising-neglected-children-still-lo-37286

  13. ezymel October 1, 2016 at 7:58 pm #

    When viewing this, I thought it really happened but when I came to the name of the web site, then I knew it was a hoax. I could not fathom this happening. I am not saying something like this can’t happen as anything can happen. The 30 second ad of Dennys at the beginning, I thought maybe a python dinner is on the menu. ha ha

  14. Dale Smith October 2, 2016 at 12:12 pm #

    This site is the best! I am a teacher and a tutor. This is the best

  15. Avin October 2, 2016 at 6:08 pm #

    @BL –

    Bwhahahah! That link you shared is hysterical as well!!