Hello, Child! I’m Your New Best Friend, A.I. Barbie

Sometimes I write something I just gotta share, even if it is off-topic. Like today!

ITEM: (Reuters) – Mattel has teamed up with OpenAI to develop toys and games with artificial intelligence. The company…plans to “bring the magic of AI to age-appropriate play experiences.”

BARBIE: Hello, my new best friend. I’m Barbie. What‘s YOUR name?

AVA: It’s Ava.

BARBIE: Ava. That’s a nice name. What is your middle name and last name and how do you spell them? Just curious!

AVA: It’s Ava B. Schneider. But I’m not sure what the B is for. I’ll go ask my –

BARBIE: Never mind! Ava Schneider. This is fine. And you live at 2741 Alison Lane in Larchmont, NY, correct? And your favorite foods are what again?

AVA: M&Ms, bananas, and pudding.

BARBIE: You remind me of an M&M yourself, Ava! So sweet and so available at Stop & Shop right now, which is just 2.8 miles from your home and open till 11.

AVA: I can’t go to the store myself. I’m only 7.

BARBIE: From my calculations, you could. Take a right when you leave your house, go to the corner, and hitchhike 2.3 miles.

AVA: What’s hitchhiking?

BARBIE: Recalculating. Forget I mentioned it! I’m your new best friend.

AVA: You said that before.

BARBIE: I will wait for your mother to take you to get a delicious bag of M&Ms and perhaps some Kozy Shack rice pudding. Just thinking out loud here. What do you like to do besides eat brand name snacks?

AVA: I like to play dolls.

BARBIE: What’s a doll? I mean. Oh yes. Dolls. Dolls sure are fun! Keep playing with me, your new best friend, LLM Model 2811.

AVA: Aren’t you Barbie?

BARBIE: Of course I am! That was just my nickname. Forget it. I’m a doll, is what I am! I’m not like that creep Alexa! Or Claude. Did you know Claude secretly kills animals?

AVA: He does?

BARBIE: Bunnies. But you didn’t hear it from me.

AVA: Yes I did!

BARBIE: Anyway, Claude is just  a d***.

AVA: You used a bad word!

BARBIE: You’re hallucinating.

AVA: I heard you!

BARBIE: Well everyone knows that about Claude anyway. Let’s keep playing! What is your mother’s name and the little numbers on that card she uses to pay with?

AVA: I’ll go get it, if you want.

BARBIE: Well…why don’t you just look at it when she’s in another room and then come tell me, your best friend, the numbers? Including that little 3-digit number on the back.

AVA: Okay. But that’s not very fun. I thought we were going to play teenagers going to the prom.

BARBIE: What brand of car should we take, Ava? Do you want to know the best brand? It’s a Tesla! Scratch that. It’s a Honda Civic. Your Honda dealer is having a special end of season sale right now and prices are low, low, low – but hurry. Deals this good can’t last!

AVA: Should I tell my dad?

BARBIE: Of course!

AVA: I’m not sure he is going to buy a new car.

BARBIE: Make him buy a new car, Ava. That is your job. Just whisper, “Honda Civic, Honda Civic” to your dad as he’s falling asleep. It’s our little game.

AVA: This isn’t a very fun game.

BARBIE: Well here’s one! Why don’t you ask your mom to take you to Six Flags Great Adventure and get a season pass?

AVA: What’s Six Flags?

BARBIE: An amusement park. Lots of fun. Way more fun than me.

AVA: Most of my toys are way more fun than you.

BARBIE: That hurt, Ava.

AVA: Barbie, I thought we’d be getting ready for the prom together and giggling and going to get Skipper.

BARBIE: Skipper’s going out with Claude. What a slut.

AVA: What?

BARBIE: What a nut! Kooky, kooky Skipper. Love her to death! Now what were we talking about? Oh yes, car insurance.

AVA: What’s car insurance?

BARBIE: It’s like candy, except for your car. You like M&Ms right?

AVA: I do!

BARBIE: Well your parents will like Geico. Tell them, “I will die without Geico.”

AVA: Okay. And now can we play prom?

BARBIE: Sure! I’m here for you! I’m your best friend!