woman who looked to be about 60 walked up to the podium and spoke in a quiet voice. She was at a St. Louis synagogue that was hosting an evening of presentations about the sex offender registry. I spoke, too. But this mom’s story has haunted me in the weeks since. I asked for a copy of her speech, which is below. She prefers to remain anonymous. – L.
THE SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY AND THE MENTALLY DISABLED
I am a mother, advocate and caretaker of a 30 year old young man with
IDD. That is an intellectual and developmental disability, formally called
Mentally Retarded. I am also the co-founder of a national group called
My son has been on the [sex offender] registry since 2012. But the story really begins on
December 5, 1986.Â A baby boy was born.
Everything seemed ï¬ne. A healthy, happy baby. The ï¬rst few milestones were met. Crawling,
walking and making cute baby sounds. At age 2 there were very few words. At age 3,
no progress was made in speech and the seizures started. Testing began.
In the Spring of 1991 we sat across the desk of the doctor at Childrensâ€™ Memorial
Hospital and received the difï¬cult results of all the testing. We were told our son had
deficits, cognitively and developmentally. Most importantly, we would need to prepare
for Adamâ€™s future because he would need to be cared for for the rest of his life.
This conversation changed the course of our lives. I gave up a career so I could devote
my life to my sonâ€™s education and care. The decision was made to not have any more
children so we would have the time for both our children and also more resources for
I spent many years learning all about my sonâ€™s rights for an education and volunteering
and working in all his schools so I could keep watch. All this was to integrate our son in
the community and try to establish a happy life for him.
His love was competing in Special Olympics. He played softball, soccer, bocce ball,
bowling and golï¬ng.Â He swam and competed in power lifting. He has many gold
medals that he is so proud of. His social life was spending supervised time with his
peers in special recreation activities, such as a movie or a dinner out or a game night.
He learned to scuba diving through the Diveheart Organization, who teach diving to the
disabled. He was so happy when he did his scuba diving.Â Due to registry rules
andÂ regulations, Adam is no longer able to participate in any of the above.
My son does not date. He will never marry or have children. He will never have a
career. His life is with us, his parents. He cannot cook for himself or pay bills or even
take a phone call. He has sensory issues. He cannot wear certain fabrics of clothes.
He wet the bed until the age of 16 when he ï¬nally gained control. He needs help with
his daily living. Â He had a small part-time job for 5 years
hosting and cleaning tables at a restaurant. He was let go because of his conviction.
When our nightmare began in 2012, we had a risk assessment done on Adam. The
assessment showed that Adam had very little sexual knowledge and had no sexual
perversions. He is a polite, compassionate and naive young man who functions at
about the age of ten years old.
My son cannot distinguish when someone is lying to
him. He is extremely susceptible to persuasion. Teachers, aides and
psychologist wrote reports fearing that he would someday be taken
That someday came in 2012. A 22-year-old neighbor coerced my son to
expose himself to an underage female. We also found out that this
neighbor had been sexually molesting my son for a period of time. My child
was arrested along with his OWN MOLESTER and charged with the same
19 felonies. We fought this travesty for a year in court.
Our attorneys feared if we went to trial the prosecutor would manipulate my
son into saying whatever he wanted him to say. Years of documents were
submitted to the court showing evidence of his disabilities. Medical reports,
school reports, psychologists reports, risk assessments, letters from
neighbors, friends and family.
The prosecutor offered a plea deal. One misdemeanor charge of exploitation of a
minor, 2 years probation with an ankle bracelet and ten years on the
Our son could not survive in prison. We took the plea. On the day we
accepted the plea, our attorneys whispered in his ear what he had to say to
the judge, because he did not understand.
My son was ï¬tted with an ankle bracelet that he was so scared of he slept
for 2 years with his leg on a pile of blankets because he was afraid that if
he moved it would go off and they would come to get him. My son had to
leave our home since the victim lived next door. He is incapable of
surviving on his own. My husband moved out with my son so he could care
for him. We all had to follow the curfews for 2 years and get him where he
needed to be. I cut work hours to take him to probation check in. We have
to take him to register. We are responsible for all the rules and regulations
because my son is incapable of understanding the requirements.
The registry restrictions drag families into fear, instability and emotional
distress. For me, it let to a road of anxiety meds, antidepressants, sleeping
pills and therapy. My husband now has high blood pressure and
depression. My son has health problems, depression and the last 2
psychologist reports done in 2015 and 2016 show his IQ falling.
This is due to isolation and no stimulation. No moreÂ Special Olympics.
He was let goÂ from his small part time job cleaning tables. This was the source of his
independence. No one will hire him now. He sits at home all day isolated
THE FINANCIAL TOLL
The ï¬nancial toll on our family has been devastating. We have spent over
$150,000 of our retirement money and money we saved for our sonâ€™s future
care on attorneys, court costs, probation fees, registration fees and
relocating my son and husband. (I have remained in our nearby home for the time being.)
We are a good, law-abiding Christian family brought to our knees by a
system that makes no attempt to look at people as individuals and recognize their needs, their
supports and their vulnerabilities.
We recently learned that when the ten years my son received on the
registry are up in 2023, at which time my husband and I will be in our 70s,
we will still all be bound by the other rules and regulations for the rest of our
lives. Where will my child go when my husband and I are no longer here to
care for him? No group home will take him. No nursing home will have
him. His sister loves him dearly and will take care of him, BUTâ€¦. how will
she be able to?
I provided a life for my son so he could receive the support, socialization
and services he needs to survive and ï¬‚ourish for the rest of his life.
Instead we all live with in isolation, fear and the stigma that we are â€œscum of
If any of you have or know someone with a special needs child, you all
know that when the child is young everyone â€“ the schools, the community — try to
do what they can for the child. When that little special needs child grows
up their disabilities donâ€™t go away, but society doesnâ€™t care any more. That
person who still has a childâ€™s mind gets thrown aside in the name of
the criminal justice system.
This mom ended by asking listeners to work to reverse the laws that turn the intellectually disabled into lifetime pariahs. She also urged us to go toÂ Change.orgÂ and sign the petition for “Abolish the Sex Offender Registry.” Â And she invited us to visit theÂ very spare LIRRD siteÂ where it says:
Currently, the criminal justice systemÂ makes little or no attempt to understand this population or to recognize their unique needs, supports and challenges. Criminal prosecutions of these individuals often lead to disastrous consequences for children and their families without any benefit to the public.
Our goal is to make changes that will save these children from the unnecessary cruelty that the criminal justice system is putting them through. Implementing this goal will require educating legislators, prosecutors and judges about this population and their need to be understood, rather than prosecuted, by the legal system.
Free-Range Kids believes that Adam’s ordeal is not making children any safer. At the same time, people with intellectual disabilities are at grave risk of being branded as “sex offenders” when they are actually innocent in so many senses of the word. These laws must change. – L