I present to you Mike Strambler, a psychologist and Associate Professor at the Yale School of Medicine and author of the Substack “As Is.” As insightful as Mike is, his tween-age son is right there with him. When I met Mike at a party several months ago, we got to talking about kids, confidence and condescension, and he told me the story he now relates below, about his son’s final taekwondo tournament: Kids Deserve Honesty, by Mike Strambler Iron Cobra When I was around 10, my mom signed me up for karate classes at a spot in downtown Camden, NJ.…
Author: lskenazy
It is right to respect nature. But is it right to insist on a “hands off” policy, as if each leaf is a Vermeer? A mom dropped us a note to say: At my son’s pre-k, he and another boy were picking leaves off of an overgrown bush while adults were talking. The boys were quiet, engaged, and the bush seemed pretty hardy. When the teacher and the other boy’s dad realized what was going on, there was lots of Very Concerned Talk about respecting the bush, and keeping it nice for the other kids, and sort of a glance…
This Reddit post by “KnightErrant21” made me sit up and SALUTE! Yes, yes, yes! Maybe it’s just not that attractive to have kids when you think that every second, every dime, and every thought must be directly devoted to their development and safety! I contacted the Reddit writer and asked if I could please reprint his rant and he said sure, because his truth is our mission: More childhood — and parent — independence! I don’t agree with every word, of course. I think parenting has always required effort. But today’s demands ARE pointlessly relentless: * LET’S BE REALISTIC: THE…
Here’s a note I got 10 years ago. Read to the end for an update! Dear Lenore: I consider myself a fairly laid back mama, and I’m always of the opinion that bumps and bruises (and maybe broken bones) are part of growing up. But a few days ago, I was holding my third child, a 9-month-old, as I was climbing some stairs, and I tripped and fell, and she hit her head very hard – hard enough to fracture her skull and require immediate brain surgery. The good news: she’s doing really well, and they expect a full recovery.…
If you can’t stand my rants, skip this, for rant I must. Why? Because Parents Magazine’s “5 Ways to Support Your Child’s Preschool Curriculum” is not just annoying, it is WRONG! So is the whole idea it’s pushing: Kids are dumb as dumplings and don’t learn anything without you, the mom (or, haha, dad), constantly, endlessly nattering at them. So, it tells parents: make every moment like school. Don’t waste time just hanging out or cuddling! No! Your job is to be a super-uninspired, relentless teacher. Thus: “In the car or on bus rides, play a game where you ask about…
Let’s go, America! We all know kids have the right to some independence, and parents should have the right to give it to them without worrying about the authorities knocking on the door. That’s why I’m so psyched that five states are hoping to pass “Reasonable Childhood Independence” laws this year. And another five may follow suit. Bi-partisan sponsors are working together to make it clear that parents have the right to decide when their kids can play, walk, bike, and generally just be kids, without constant adult supervision. “Neglect” and “child endangerment” are only when parents put their children…
One reason parents/teachers/adults are spending so much time hovering over kids is that they are spending so much time hovering over kids: It’s a vicious circle. (Or cycle. Never figured that out.) My point is, when we spend a lot of time watching our kids, inevitably, we will see them do things that are dumb, mean, risky or wasteful. Which makes us feel we have to watch them EVEN MORE. More watching, more worrying But if we WEREN’T spending so much time scrutinizing them — if we gave them a decent dollop of unsupervised time — we would see far…
Readers, it is true: Sometimes, a sigh escapes. One observes the forces arrayed against kids being kids and the road seems maybe unsloggable. But then you get a letter like this! Abigail Weidmer is a Montana mom who wrote this post about giving her kids – and her neighbors’ kids – unsupervised playtime. She admits it can be hard not to imagine worst-case scenarios. But here’s her hopeful message to Let Grow (the nonprofit that grew out of Free-Range Kids) for all of us in this still-new year. Not Frozen with Fear Dear Let Grow: I wanted to send you another…
The age that kids start playing — walking, biking, frolicking outside — should be up to the parents. But that’s not always the case. A few years back, after the first Reasonable Childhood Independence law passed in Utah – hooray! – we received a query from a lawmaker. He said he wanted his state to pass a similar law assuring parents that allowing their kids to play outside, stay home alone, walk to school, etc., would not be mistaken for neglect. And so, he’d drafted a bill: Parents are not to be investigated or accused of neglect simply for letting their…
SCORE! About a month ago, I visited the Strelitz Academy in Virginia Beach and it gave me SUCH HEART! Everyone in the elementary school is doing The Let Grow Experience, so there were paper trees in the hall festooned with Let Grow “leaves.” These are leaf-shaped pieces of paper where the kids wrote the new things they’d just started doing on their own: learned to ride a bike, made dinner, walked the dog… As one child put it after going on her first roller coaster ride, “I can try new things.” Amen! Why I almost cried. Then I went outside to watch…