‘Tis Christmas Carol parody season. Here’s one of mine, below. For more — including “Text My Cell” to Jingle Bells, and “Frosty the Outsourced Snowman” — check out ParentDish.com and Creators.com, my two other gigs! (And I won’t tell you which one has the Tiger Woods Greensleeves song, “Whose Texts Are These?”) — Lenore THE OCTOMOM SONG (TO “O TANNENBAUM”) by Lenore Skenazy O Octomom, O Octomom You hear the patter, pitter Like Jon and Kate You, too, had eight — Except in just one litter It must be hard to keep them fed And patty-caked and put to bed…
Author: lskenazy
Watch out, kids! Drug dealers are coming to your schoolyard to hook you on Strawberry crystal meth Pop Rocks! That’s the rumor going around Texas that has the PTA there so alarmed that it is warning parents to instruct their kids not to eat, well, strawberry-flavored meth. Or grape meth. Or peanut butter meth. (Think of the allergies!) If I were the Texas PTA, I’d trademark the phrase “Meth-busters,” just to try to sound a tiny bit cool. But, of course, I’m not them. I’m someone who read this delightful little piece on Reason.com and realizes what an urban meth,…
Hi Readers! We’ve come a long way since the days when you could buy your kid a chemistry set with radioactive ores. Maybe too long. When science is no more exciting that watching oil and vinegar separate, we end up with bored kids. That means a few years later we end up with an ignorant population, easily conned. We need EXCITING, slightly dangerous science, argues Theodore Gray, author of Theo Gray’s Mad Science — Experiments You Can Do at Home But Probably Shouldn’t. (A title he says is totally accurate.) Here’s his nice essay about how we overemphasize the dangers…
Hi Readers — Got a notice from our school last week: No more recess when it’s freezing outside — 32 degrees Fahrenheit — or when the wind chill takes an above-freezing day and makes it FEEL freezing. Now, as a kid growing up in Chicago, this was my dream policy. (Yes, even as a kid I dreamed of improving public policy. Didn’t you?) How many days were we outside when it was 15 degrees with those famous Windy City winds whipping us around? That’s before kids were fat! We were like coffee stirrers skittering across the blacktop! On the other…
Hey up there! What are you trying to do to us Americans? Spread mayhem and terror with Kinder Surprise candy? Sure looks that way to us. For years you’ve been blithely manufacturing chocolate eggs filled with toys as if you’ve never even HEARD the word, “Litigation.” Fortunately, according to this news report, this year United States border patrols are keeping a keen eye out for handheld nuclear devices…oh wait. No. For Kinder Surprise Eggs, which underground cells of aunts, uncles and family friends seem determined to smuggle into our country. Not so fast, Canada! Do we send our toxic pop…
Hi Readers! Here’s a little note from a mom of three named Nina: Dear Free-Range Kids: First of all, thank you. I have been increasingly Free Range over the past 4-5 years but I didn’t have a name for it until I found this website. I am glad to know that I am not the only mother left on the planet with common sense. So, to my story. We moved into a new house about six months ago. I was explaining to my new neighbor one summer night, while the kids were playing together at the park, all about the…
Hi Readers – As of yesterday, 50 million sets of blinds and shades are being recalled — “virtually every Roman blind and roller shade on the market,” according to this report on Good Morning America, following the deaths of five children. I cannot imagine how sad the parents of those five children must be. It’s horrible. But to frantically recall 50 million blinds — one of the largest recalls in history — strikes me as overkill. The advice given on the Good Morning America site seems to be all the information parents really need: Do not place cribs, beds and…
Hi Readers — If any of you are Free-Ranging in southwest Oklahoma (and I know you’re out there!) please drop an email to reporter Billie Hill — bhill@lawton-constitution.com . She’s looking for your stories to write about the Free-Range idea, locally. Thanks! — L
Oh I am so glad a reader named Abe sent this in. A Saturday Night Live classic: http://bit.ly/4Egetr
That, my friends, is the question I ask today in my alternate life on ParentDish.com. I am really getting sick of all the warnings about dangerous toys. On a very related note: Today there was a report about all the hideous dangers of holiday ornaments. I agree: You probably don’t want to put a hand-blown crystal ball from Bavaria in the crib next to the toy hammer. But please. The report mentions 76 Xmas-occasioned hospital visits over the course of 13 years, or about 7 a year. Maybe while we’re at it we should start issuing warnings about holidays requiring…