Hey Readers ! Let’s have a little fun. (Or a lot — up to you.) After reading the post below this one, regarding the kids left home alone in “The Cat In The Hat,” a grad student named Aaron Mulvaney wrote:
Don’t aaatayerza
forget, “And To Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street!” The poor kid has to walk home by himself on, like, the sidewalk.Of course, “And To Think I Saw It Out of the Backseat Window of My Mom’s Minivan on The Way to Soccer Practice!” doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.
Which got me thinking: Why don’t we come up with the names of some classic, Free-Ranging kids books re-written for these modern, cautious times? Things like, “Alice and Her Caregiver’s Adventures in Wonderland.” And, Â “Are You There, Mom? It’s Me, Margaret. Text Me.” And the indoor adventure of a boy and his dog, Â “Lassie, Stay Home.”
You get the idea. Pile on!
Ramona The Brave Because Her Mother Is Keeping A Close Eye On Her
“Where the Wild Things Are Lonely because Max is on Ritalin”
Goodnight Moon-shaped light on my video surveillance monitor
“Oh, The Places You’ll Wish Your Parents Had Let You Go”
“Lilly’s Purple Plastic Purse Confiscated at Schoolhouse Door; Charges Pending”
Betsy Tacy and Tib Ask Their Mommies to Schedule a Playdate
“Pat the Bunny And Then Slather Your Hands With Purell.”
This is more along the lines of politically correct, but the whole serious just makes me fall over laughing:
http://www.amazon.com/Once-Upon-More-Enlightened-Time/dp/0028604199
Speaking of which, this isn’t about political correctness, its not “Newspeak” from 1984.. What are we going to call this re-wording of things to protect the children? Helicopter-ese?
The Runaway Bunny with the Implantable Chip
“Don’t Worry, Honey, Phantoms are Make-Believe and We Have a Speed Pass, Anyway”
Charlie and the Whole Foods Distribution Center
The Princess and the Pea and the Resulting Lawsuit
James and the Giant Organic Peach
Curious George Watches TV
Reminds me of the old adage, “Subdivisions are where they cut down the trees and name the streets after them.”
Maybe we need a new adage, “Stolen childhoods… now resurrected in cute books as bedtime stories.”
My little Max has been finding his own way to where the wild things are lately. He’s more likely to tell us about that trip than ask for a story from his books. Fine with me. Carry on, kiddo.
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs FALLING FROM THE SKY AAAAAAAAAGH
“The Wind in the Willows: Tornado Watch.”
“The Secret Garden as Viewed Through the Off-Site Video Monitor.”
“Little Women Under House Arrest for Inappropriate Hugging.”
Shall I go on? -]>_<[-
The Steadfast Tin Soldier that You Must Never, Ever Touch Because of Unacceptable Levels of Tin
Curious George Doesn’t Go Anywhere
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, Do You See Me Calling Animal Control?
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Life
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, Expect Rabies Shots Immediately
The Little Engine That Could, But Wasn’t Allowed To
And finally,
Sarah, Plain and Tall, Bored and Fat
Charlie and the individually wrapped 100 calorie serving of free trade chocolate.
The Giving-if-it’s-okay-with-Mom-and-Dad Tree
Frog and Toad Play Gameboy
Harold and the Purple, Crayola No-Mess Marker
The Snowy Day When Peter Stays in and Watches TV
Hahaha…this has totally made my afternoon! Thanks everyone!
Where the Sidewalk Ends at My Driveway
Stay away from Harry the Dirty Dog
Ten Little Monkeys Sitting Quietly on the Bed
One fish, two fish, red fish, mercury poisoning.
Where the sidewalk is: too close to the road.
Cat in the Hat II: Here comes DCFS.
Dept of Children and Family Services
Gary Paulsen’s, “Dull Butter Knife”
Pippi Longstocking Goes to Social Services
The Secret, Chaperoned Garden
The Lion, The Witch, and the Barricaded Wardrobe
Complacent George
Clifford the Big Red Hypoallergenic Dog
Fourteen Bears in Summer and Winter as Viewed at the Zoo
Francis Eats Whole Grain Spaghetti and Vegan “Wheatballs”
My favorite above is from Jess T. – Oh the Places You’ll Wish Your Parents Had Let You Go – I laughed out loud! Thank you!
Madelaline in Paris with an embedded chip
(Madeline in paris)
If I ran a few feet and then mom called me
(If i ran the circus)
How the jen stole ted’s nintendo, then got grounded for a week
(How the grinch stole christmas)
I’m still here in the bathtub with purell and lice shampoo
(im still here in the bathtub)
little red riding hood that never got lost because she has a GPS on her blackberry
(Little red riding hood)
Sit Near Pop (Used to be “Hop On Pop” but Pop might get hurt)
Prepackaged Blueberries for Sal
Chicka-Chicka NO Boom-Boom (The Helmet Edition)
The Lonely Doll Doesn’t Talk to People
The Emperor’s New Clothes Got Him a Permanent Spot on the Sex Offenders List
chicka chicka, get out of that tree
(chicka chicka boom boom)
Goldilocks and the three caged bears wearing thick kitchen mits over their claws.
The billy goats cautious
The Tortoise, The Hare, and their helmets
The Beauty who was too aware of stranger danger to eat the poison apple and didn’t fell asleep
Beauty and the beast with an up-to-date rabies vaccine
An Energy Saving Light in the Attic
Where the Sidewalk Ends (and you are not allowed to go)
The Many Playdates of Winnie the Pooh
Goodnight, Gorilla I Saw on Animal Planet
The Babysittees Club
The Little Engine that Didn’t Risk It
Charlotte’s Web Meets Raid
Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Missing Childhood
Little House in the Sidewalk-less Gated Community
Tales of of Fourth Grade Nothing that Damages Your Self-Esteem.
Whoops, didn’t proofread before submitting. My bad.
Where the Wild Things Might Be, but We’re not Entirely Sure Because Mom and Dad Won’t Schedule a Playdate With Such Poor Behavior Models
Eeps, Creeps, It’s my Mommy-Cleaned Room
Harry Potter Doesn’t do Anything Because Kids are Never Allowed out of Arms’ Reach
“The Railway Children [are taken in to custody by Child Protective Services]”
Somebody really did come up with “Little Plaid Sambo”
Then there’s Stan Freberg’s “Elderly Man River”, where “Old Man River” is bowdlerized because the “tiny tots” might be listening.
One of my favorite childhood books was “Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel” to which we could now add “Get Shut Down by OSHA.”
Charlotte’s Safety Net
The Carl Books, the parents always leave the baby with the dog.
Dick and Jane>>>>>> a boy with an unfortunate nickname and Jane
See Jane run.
See Dick…….that’s as far you’ll get with that smut, mister.
Blubber by Judy Blume would be
“Young Lady with a Glandular Disorder”
OMG I’m laughing so hard I have tears streaming down my face. Thanks everyone.
Mickey in the Baby-Proofed Kitchen With His Clothes On (really, how sanitary could that milk *be* once he swam nekkid in it?)
How the Magician’s Nephew Was Taken Away by CPS
Harriet the Couch Potato
“The Great Brain that Went to Waste”.
These are really witty! I enjoyed. My contribution:
The House That Jack Built with a Zoning Permit and According to OSHA Standards
Hippos Go Berserk and the Cops Come
The Speed Challenged Little Puppy (Poky Little Puppy)
It’s bad that the first thing I thought of when I read “It’s me, Margaret” is an old Ray Stevens song (“It’s me again, Margaret”)…
“Children Abducted: the Story of Peter Pan and Wendy”
“Mary Poppins in the Child-Proof Playroom”
“Sara Crewe”, or “What Never Happens at Miss Minchin’s Boarding School”
Mr. Snitzel’s Gluten-Free, Dairy Free, No Salt, No Sugar Pretzels. (Mr. Snitzel’s Cookies, one of my childhood favorites, about not judging people by appearance.)
You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown…but Just in Case, We’ll Need Fingerprints and a Background Check
The Little Engine that Could Ask His Mother for Help
Choose Your Own Mini-Van Adventure: Soccer, Softball or Swimming?
Rudolph the Sunscreen-Nosed Reindeer
Santa and his Elves and the Wage and Hour Department
Jack and the Beanstalk and the Therapist who testified that it was all about his dad molesting him
Harriet the Spy-ing From Her Safe Bedroom Window
The Mouse and the Push-Scooter in the Well-Supervised Cul-de-Sac
Charlie and the Fiber Glass Elevator with Safety Straps.
The Miracle Green Eggs and Ham Diet: Get Your Kid Into Harvard!
Second printing: The Evil Green Eggs and Ham Diet: New studies show that green eggs and ham cause cancer.
Who could forget “Hatchet?!” Ultimate survival of a 13-year-old boy lost in the woods after a plane crash. Still an awesome book even for adults to read. 🙂
hatchet could be “specially designed, left-handed safety scissors.”
The Elephant and Very Polite Baby
The Not Really How It Happened Stories
Mogli’s Adventures in His Own Back Yard
The Adventures of Tom’s Lawyer
The Hospitalizations of Chuck, the Very Thin
Auntie Tame
Make Way for Bird Flu
Make Way for 529(b)s
A Child’s Ballet Rehearsals
A Child’s Warden of Purses
Now We Are Set
Now We Are Sects
Wharton Nears…Says You
My Side of the Driveway
The Nancy Drone Histories
Merry Poppers and Bert the Test Prep Coach
Blue Bookbags for Sal
And to Think That I Bought it from Sesame Street Brand Licensed Merchandise
In the Stainless Kitchen
Five Little Monkeys NOT Jumping On The Bed Because They Might Receive A Serious Head Injury
Green Eggs and Ham (Are A Leading Cause Of Childhood Obesity)
Curious George Is High As A Kite On Ritalin
Click, Clack, Moo – Cows That Report Safety Violations
Little red raincoat hood
Goldilocks and the 3 teddy bears
Cinderella broke curfew
The Land of Oz: how the Munchkins contributed to the delinquency of a minor
Hide-y, who only dreamed about climbing the mountain
Pinocchio, or the perils of walking to school
Hansel and Gretel: RIP
Pelle’s new mail-order suit
The three pigs who still live with their poor mother
Peter Rabbit visits McGregorGarden.com
Blueberry Jelly for Sal
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See Within The Ten Feet Around Your House?
Harry Potter and the Cupboard Under The Stairs Where He Was Perfectly Fine and Safe From the Risks of Being A Wizard
The Mud Puddle that You Will Never Have to Worry About Defeating With Your Own Ingenuity (Because You’re Inside, and Don’t Have Any)
I’m trying to come up with something for the Paper Bag Princess, because surely that’s about as free-range as they come…but I’ve got nothing.
A Charlie Brown Non-Specific Winter Holiday
Let’s ban Pippi Longstocking from all library shelfs and bookstores!
By the way: my 12-year old daughter babysitted her younger siblings (7 and almost 3 years old) while we went out for dinner. The cell phone rang for the first time when he just had the main course — my daughter asking where to find the wipes because she needed to change her sisters diapers. The second time it rang over coffee, my son asking where to find his younger sisters favorite stuffed animal. When we came home, nobody was sleeping, but everybody was happy and proud that they did so well.
So long,
Corinna
Oh, and: Peter and the Wolfveis Peter who has a nintendo game where a wolve eats a duck and he has to catch the wolve and rescue the day.
So long,
Corinna
Clothed Mickey In The Baby-Proof Kitchen (because being naked in milk is sooo unsanitary!)
How about Bull$#1t?
More like “Defenseless Children For Sale”
“I’m trying to come up with something for the Paper Bag Princess, because surely that’s about as free-range as they come…but I’ve got nothing.”
How about Bubble Wrap Princess?
Amelia Bedelia Goes to Night School
Pippi Longstocking Gets A Full-Time, Live-In Nanny
Green Eggs and Ham Are Destroyed by A Hazmat Team
My still favourite Neverending Story would be the Neverstarting Story. Bastian would be followed everywhere, so he would never get to skip lessons and read his book. It wouldn’t matter really, ’cause it’s been a long time since Fantasia succumbed…
The Little Prince would now be The Pampered Prince…
Gulliver’s Parent-approved Schooltrips to Several Instructive Museums Where He Wasn’t Allowed to Touch Anything or Talk to Anyone…
Ali-Baba Calls 911…
Nancy Drew Because She Had an Early Curfew
The Hardy Boys and the Sit Still Challenge
Gone-Away Childhood (i.e. Gone-Away Lake — my favorite book in 5th grade)
Mary Poppins and the Nanny Cam
Driving By Woods on a Snowy Evening
From the Mixed-up-and-Creepy Files of Ms. Over-Zealous School Authority Figure
Encyclopedia Brown and the Mysterious Question of Wat His Father Does at Work Since He Is Never Permitted to Hear of Anything Unsavory
“My Side of the Sofa”
(Tip of the hat to Lenore for including “My Side Of The Mountain” in her book’s list of free-range videos – both the book and movie were great favorites of mine around 1970, when running away from home and living in a hollow tree seemed like a great idea.)
The Magic Tree House Series, But Only In Your Imagination
Too Much Homework of a Wimpy Kid
“I’m trying to come up with something for the Paper Bag Princess, because surely that’s about as free-range as they come…but I’ve got nothing.â€
How about Bubble Wrap Princess?”
Or, The Ecologically Conscious Reusable Grocery Sack Princess
Toby Tyler, or 10 weeks inside the allergen-free house, safely away from those germy politically incorrect circus things.
The mundane life of Thomas Sawyer, from the house to the minivan to the safe-kids school zone and back again.
Jack be husky, Jack be slow, Jack be nimble with the Nintendo.
Mary had a Grass-fed Lamb…
The Very Hungry Catepillar Eats his Way through MyPyramid.gov
Where is Baby’s Belly Button? (NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!)
You’re not my Mother!!!
Sheep in their Carseats
Mary Poppins and the Hidden Nanny Cam
Where the Red Fern Grows on my GPS
The Magic School Bus: Or How Ms. Frizzel Got Fired
Gluten Free Bread and Organic Jam for Francis Cut Into Bite Sized Pieces
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark that You Will Never Get to Read and Why Doesn’t Mommy Just Go Ahead and Burn this Book, Ok?
The 5 Little Monkeys Take Ritilian
Carl the Crocidile Gets Taken Away By the Animal Control Police
Charlie and the Carob Factory
Alice’s Carefully Supervised Adventures in the Playroom
From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler: Claudia Gets Grounded Until She’s Married
Julie and the Hypoallergenic Dogs Remain Safely Indoors All Winter
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and the resulting therapy sessions and prozac prescriptions.
The reusable recyclable cloth bring your own cloth bag princess
Llama Llama Fire-Retardant Pajamas
Don’t Pat the Bunny
What to expect when you run a background check on the babysitter
The Boxcar Children Who Go Willingly to the Orphanage Because They’re Afraid to be Outside Alone
The Bobbsey Twins Play Supervised Sports
(Love the Mixed-Up Files reference — can you imagine that story being written today? Claudia and Jamie’s faces would be all over FoxNews and MSNBC, 24/7, and their parents would have been in counseling, instead of just waiting for them to show up.)
Oh, and this thread is absolutely not complete without mentioning the “Good Dog, Carl” books, which can’t even be helicopter-parodied, since the entire POINT is a dog taking care of an unattended baby!
The Eating Disorder Caterpillar
If You Give a Mouse A Cookie, he then goes to the dentist.
The trumpet of the EPA protecting the endangered swans from harassment by little boys.
My Side of the Mini-Van
“Oh the Things You Can’t Think for Yourself”
Richard Scarry’s Busy, Busy Mommy
Hansel and Daddy
Sleeping Guilt
The Very Hungry Family
Beauty and the Job
Charlotte’s Nanny
I Can Draw Myself But An Art Class is Preferred
Oh the Thinks You Can Think If There Were Time
Al Gore Knows There’s a Light on in the Attic
Alice in Daycare
Mapquest to Terabithia
The Strange Lady We Don’t Talk About of Blackbird Pond (I bet she’s a sex offender)
Animals Should Definitely Wear Clothing
The Five Brothers of Asian Descent
Stoned Soup; Why we don’t take candy from strangers
My real escape today and great warm fuzzy laughs from all the clever ideas. a real economy booster is stone soup. Strega Nona??? Shoemaker in custody for permitting naked small people working in his shop after hours-oh unlimited charges. I was called a helicopter parent- I said Ok but safety first-ha ha
The Boy Who Wondered Just What a Wolf Looked Like
Jack and the Climbing Rope in the Gym
The Zoo Book (vs. The Jungle Book, of course)
The Emperor’s New Clothes That Became Trendy Because the Child Was Not There To Laugh at Him (he was busy at football practice, you see)
The Prince and The Pauper Have a Playdate (and get home on time to do homework)
The Tin Soldier Recall
Pinocchio Goes to Plastic Surgery (safer than rescuing his dad, why take the risk?)
The Hobbitt or See What Happens when you go off with Dwarves?
How about “The Efficiency Challenged Little Puppy” (The Poky Little Puppy – a Golden book I loved as a child)
Ender’s Video Game?
Don’t Pat the Bunny (It Might Have Germs!)
How about a modern spin off of a Nickelodeon’s classic entitled, “Are you NOT afraid of the dark?”
It’s where kids do not go to the woods (but in the living room instead) and not tell “spooky” stories. They just tell any version of a “Non spooky” happily ever after story.
O and they are supervised!!!!
Where The Sidewalk Ends Is Where the Pedophiles Lurk in the Shadows
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, Make Sure It’s Gluten-Free and Not a Peanut Butter Cookie
Little Women are Not Women Yet and Should Be Treated Accordingly
Old Yeller Lives Happily Ever After
The Big Friendly Giant is discovered to be on the register
The Night I Would Have Followed my Dog
Francess and Thelma renamed, you better be careful when you play with thelma because her dad might be a pedophile.
The pokey little puppy goes to the fair with his nanny and doesnt get left behind because his nanny holds his hand all the way.
A bit off topic but…
The Little Red Hen Loses Her Sunscreen
Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland Were Really All Just a Bad Dream – See, That’s What Happens When You Eat Processed Foods
The Wizard of Oz Who Could Help Me Get Home But Auntie Em Would Freak If She Heard That I Travelled to the Emerald City With Strangers and Wearing Someone’s Else’s Potentially Germ-Infested Shoes
The Duckling Who Wasn’t Unnattractive, Just Different
The Boy Who Cried Wolf Because His Parents Didn’t Spend Enough Quality Time With Him
Tracie: Your Alice and the processed foods is my favorite!
How about:
— Doctor Dan the Bandage Man and Nurse Nancy Have Nothing to Do Because They Aren’t Allowed to Play Outside Without Constant Adult Supervision
— We Would Help Daddy if Mommy Would Let Us
— Unucky Mrs. Ticklefeather Gets Evicted for Keeping an Exotic Puffin as a Pet in her Penthouse Apartment
— Doctor Squash the Doll Doctor Is A Sex Offender…Get Your Kids Away from Him Quick, Quick, Quick!
— Because A Little Bug Went Ka-Choo, Farmer Brown Called An Exterminator. End of Story.
— A Great Day for Up is Ruined by Overprotective Parents Insisting that Everyone Stay Down Where It’s Safer.
I could go on, but it’s past my bedtime, and unfortunately I have to work tomorrow. (Er…today, since it’s now after midnight.)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Head Cold
Make way for Avian Flu Carriers
The Reusable Canvas Tote Bag Princess
Fully Enclosed, Pedestrian Walkway to Terebithia
McElligot’s Fully Stocked Trout Pond
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
Maybe that whole stanza should be circle-slashed…?
“Get an H1N1 Vaccine!” Said the Elephant! “I’m Going to Sneeze!”
Tom Kitten and His Sisters Get a Time Out
Now We Are Six and Must Complete Homework Every Day
A GPS Tracker for Cordouroy
James and the Giant Peach Cut Into Tiny Pieces So As Not To Present a Choking Hazard
The Flopsie Bunnies: Or Don’t Take Lettuce from Strangers
Peter Rabbit Goes Shopping with His Mother
The Safe, Child-Proofed Life of Sarah Noble
(In the early 18th century, a little girl of about seven is taken by her father to a deserted area in the woods where she spends most of the day alone while he builds a home for the family, and she cooks all the meals over a fire. When he leaves for the winter to go back to bring the rest of the family to the new home, he lets her live with the local Native tribe for several months.)
The Country Mouse and the City Mouse Put an End to Their Visits: One Fears Lime Disease and the Other is Asthmatic and Fears the Ozone Levels.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
Maybe we should just circle slash these two stanzas…?
CapsForSale.com
Danny Dunn and the Science Experiment That Got Him Suspended and Got His Parents’ Garage Searched By The Police
Go Dog Go Because Mom Says I Have to Stay Home
Mr. Popper’s Penguins Aren’t Real, They’re Made Up Just To Lure You Into His Car
Treasure Island–Home of Long John Silver, Child Molester
Good Fences Keep The Neighbors Away
“I reckon I got to light out for the Territory ahead of the rest, because Aunt Sally she’s going to adopt me and sivilize me, and I can’t stand it. I been there before.”
— The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Good ol’ Huck, the uber-FRK, the one us FRKs aspired to be. If any kids are still allowed to read it in school, due to its extensive use of non-PC vocabulary, can today’s over-protected children even recognize Huck as another kid?
The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh: How to safely tranquilize a bear the wandered into the backyard of my new subdivision ?
For the best children’s book ever read “Der Struwwelpeter” gotta love the germans… Suck you thumb and someones gonna break into the house and cut them off. The girl that plays with matches and emmoliate herself
The Nutritionally Balanced Caterpillar
Just So You Don’t Have Anything Happen To You Stories
Crusty – I am also a HUGE fan of Eward Gorey’s Gashlycrumb Tinies.
Brown Bear Brown Bear Do You See Me Calling Animal Control? made me howl with laughter…
I am thinking. Not very clever but fun to think up : ):
There’s a Monster at the End of this Book but don’t worry, Mommy will handle him for you
Five Little Ducklings get what they deserve for wandering away from their mama.
Guess How Much I Love You? Yes, that’s right, as far as the Wii controller and back.
Roller Skates (but only with helmets and pads, and not around the block)
Protected and Cosseted Betsy
The Snowy Day as seen from the living room window
“The Man With An Alternative Belief System Maintaining Governmental Supervision of a Dream Induced Area Populated By Vertically Challenged Individuals”….also known as “The Wizard of Oz”
Google Brown Boy Detective
Harold and the Purple Crayon Get Arrested for Graffiti
Miss Nelson is Missing and at Rehab
Jen C. “Where The Sidewalk Ends Is Where the Pedophiles Lurk in the Shadows
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, Make Sure It’s Gluten-Free and Not a Peanut Butter Cookie” – Hilarious! (my kids have peanut allergies, so it’s doubly funny!)
Here’s my contribution :
Caps For Sale on Ebay or Etsy…because going door to door might get you kidnapped and/or molested…and it would require parental supervision, of course…and that’s really not possible when your in before, during and afterschool programs all day long.
T he Cookie Monster and the Cookie Tree and the Pesticide Bellyache
Not So Grimm Fairy Tales
Strawberry Shortcake – Only sugar-free shortcake and all organic strawberries washed for 3 minutes under cold water.
The Very Hungry Catepillar Has a Glandular Problem
On the Day You Were Born (Via Scheduled C-Section)
Where the Mild Things Are
Marvin K. Moony Will You Please Go Now Because I Saw Your Name on the Sex Offender Registry List
The Little Mermaid: Eric’s sex offender registry(for marrying 16 year old Ariel)
Beauty and the Unfortunate Prince(beasts are too scarey!!)
Charelotte’s Web Sprayed with Raid
Cinderella taken by CPS
Little Red Riding Hood(who is driven to granny’s)
Alladin and the magic lamp that was confiscated by homeland security
The Lord of the Lead-Free Nickle-Free Hypoallergenic Rings
Mortimer, take your Ritalin!
The don’t-touch-my Bellybutton Book
But not the hippopotamus, she’s a bad influence.
Spot goes nowhere
I love you because you’re a straight-A student
And to think that I saw it on Sesame Street!
A Blackberry for Sal
The Supervised Garden
If I rode the bus (and other fantasies)
The Princess & the Organic Pea
Madeline goes nowhere
Harriet the virtual spy
The Poky Little Puppy and the Fenced in Yard
Little house on the cul-de-sac
Pippi Longstocking gets neuro-psych testing
Stand By Me & Hold My Hand
The Insiders
Where the Wild Things Are, There Might Not Be Cell Phone Reception.
“Everybody Poops (And That’s Why We Only Use The Bathroom At Home)”
The Princess & the Pesticide Pea
The Little Red Hen’s Premonition About the Ozone (The Sky is Falling)
“Stay Out of That Wardrobe! There’s a Lion and a Witch in There! You Could Get Hurt!”
“Pippi Longstocking and the Trip to Child Protective Services”
Hey shout outto you for being published TWICE in this month’s Reader’s Digest! Also, my other favorite blog, CakeWrecks, got a page!
And I am frugal with my frequent tightwad moments!
Are You My Mother…or Just Another Nanny?
The Little Engine that Didn’t Bother …… because he knew his mother would do it for him
Beany Tried to Have a Secret Life
Snow White Speaks to Strangers
Cinderella Has Her Slipper Confiscated Because Glass is Dangerous
Snow White and the Seven Little People
Hoarders – Millions of Cats
What Katy Didn’t
The Call of the Tame
Hans Brinker, or the Silver Skates Game
Adam Off the Road
Paintguns for Watie
The Senior Citizen and the Sea
How Green was my Lifestyle
The Three Little Pigs Face Foreclosure
The Three Blind Mice Have Cataract Surgery
(From my friend, Sherry)
Tubby the Tuba Blows His Diet and Must Face the Music!
The Co-existing Inclusive Cooperative of the Ring
The pokey little puppy goes to the fair with his nanny and doesnt get left behind because his nanny holds his hand all the way.
The Bridge to the Television Room
(instead of Terebithia)