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The saddest news. You know what it is. Hearing that 8-year-old Maddy ybekyhtyyt
 Middleton of Santa Cruz, CA, was found dead today, and the suspect is a 15 year old neighbor.
I will remind us all that this is the least common of crimes. That there are no more murders today than there were in our own youth. That when danger is random and exceedingly rare there is no way to organize one’s life to prevent it. (Remember, after the attacks of 9/11, many Americans cancelled their flights to avoid terrorism — and there was an uptick in auto deaths. The best laid plans…) To act as if there was a way to predict and avoid this utterly unpredictable tragedy is a subtle dig at the parents — as if they did something wrong.
They didn’t.
The murderer did.
But I repeat all this with a heavy heart.
Tomorrow or in the next few days I will publish some wise things people have written here as comments over the years — things that can perhaps help us keep some perspective on parenting and crime and childhood while we absorb the sorrow.
But for now, no. Just bewilderment and sadness. – L
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Sometimes there is nothing to say.
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That is terrible news, whatever happened – as are all senseless killings. Yet as you also point out we can take some comfort in the fact that this happens so rarely that even in a country of 320,000,000 people, when it does happen it makes national news (and indeed often gets so much coverage that it changes national policy, for better or for worse). I’m glad not to live in an environment where, like auto accidents, a tragedy like this becomes not worth covering.
Not to take away from the victim. But going back to what we were talking about with the sex offender registry, and the age of consent……………well they are going to attempt to try this 15 year old as an adult.
Even though Santa Cruz is just down the road from us (okay, it’s at least an hour’s drive), I’ve heard very little about this until today, when the 15 year old neighbor was arrested and they found her body. It makes me crazy because now people are going to just go bonkers about not letting children play outside alone ever again until they’re fifty or so…..and the kid that was arrested and charged with her murder was someone she knew. That’s what people will forget when they say, “remember what happened to Maddy Middleton.” ::sigh:: It is an awful story.
I live in Santa Cruz. There were missing child posters all over town. No one can figure out hte motive. Some people suspected the nearby homeless people, but apparently it was a trusted neighbor kid.
Already two strangers have lectured me on how I need to keep a closer watch on my kids. I am expecting that this crime will cause a lot of CPS reports against kids riding scooters and other normally safe activities.
Fortunately this sort of crime is rare.
Your link says that child abductions by strangers are rare. But this homicide was even rarer, as it was not a stranger abduction. The girl apparently went willingly into the apartment of a neighbor kid she knew. Playing outside was not the problem. Living near homeless people was not the problem.
I hate to say it, but maybe the lesson is to tell little girls not to go into an older kid’s apartment without a chaperone.
Here is a Florida case that was reported as a stranger abduction, but now the mom’s boyfriend is the suspect.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3176062/Police-say-boyfriend-missing-Lonzie-Barton-s-mom-reported-abduction-suspected-disappearance.html
How awfully sad! Hadn’t heard about it of course until I read it here, but I do feel so sad for all concerned, including, dare I say it, the family of the fifteen year old, and the perpetrator themselves. ….what a thing to live with.
Just sad….
I thought it was strangely poetic somehow that this article was imbedded as a link midway through the murder story: http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/Multiple-People-Injured-by-Fallen-Tree-Kidspace-Childrens-Museum-Pasadena-319087591.html
Sometimes, things just… happen. And no one saw it coming. And no one had any warning.
And so there’s no lesson to be learned, in terms of “If only we had done x, then y wouldn’t have happened.”
But there is a lesson: that we can’t always know what’s coming, so we just have to live with certain random events that defy logic or understanding.
And just the other week a 12-year-old Utah girl was also believed to be murdered by another 15 – year-old boy.
So, what, we lock up teenage boys of 15 years of age?
I don’t intend that story to be proof of the sky-rocketing teen murder rate, mostly just commenting on the fact that tragedy does happen and some people are bad. Hardly a majority.
My heart goes out to the families.
Sigh, you hit the nail on the head.
Sometimes things just happen.
So tragic on many levels.
My daughters are 8. My daughters and I received the information about the abduction from a friend who is always telling me and my daughters that it isn’t safe for them to be outside alone.
So now I guess I’m glad I can tell my kids that this person was not a stranger and the girl had gone willingly to his apartment. That means her playing outside without supervision was not the cause of this crime. I will remind my kids that they must never go off “with” anyone, or go inside anyone’s house / car / backyard, without prior permission from me. Of course that does not guarantee anything, but it might undo some of what my friend did when she told them an 8yo girl was snatched while playing outside near her home.
I am glad the news story stressed how rare this is instead of the usual “don’t let your kids out of your sight” reaction.
I’m sure people will point fingers at the parents, asking them why they let their kid ride around the complex unsupervised, etc. But the family was living in an intentional community designed for artists and their families. It apparently was as close to “old-fashioned small town” as you can get.
What strikes me as weird, though, is why an 8yo girl was friends with a 15yo boy. It seems like a huge gap, even for a mixed-age friendship. I’m no helicopter parent, but it rings alarm bells with me when fifteen-year-old boys accept eight-year-old girls as their peers.
It’s the same dynamic seen with pedophiles and rapists who prey on vulnerable populations: They’re too immature/awkward/creepy to have meaningful interactions with people of their own age or station, so they resort to pathological interactions with those they can feel superior to.
“It’s the same dynamic seen with pedophiles and rapists who prey on vulnerable populations: They’re too immature/awkward/creepy to have meaningful interactions with people of their own age or station, so they resort to pathological interactions with those they can feel superior to.”
This is the popular image, but it’s inaccurate. The successful pedophiles are able to win a position of trust with the parents.
I wanted to comment on something jr said. Depending on the dynamic of a group it may not be creepy or unusual to see 15 yo to be friends with 8 year olds. We have a large group of friends (about 10 families) with 25 kids between us ranging in age from 4 to 19. We often go camping together or have cook outs or picnics, so kids spend a lot of time together in mixed age groups. My oldest son is almost 15 , my middle son is 12, and my daughter is 5 (going on 15). She loves spending time with older boys’ friends because they dote on her. I often find my 12 yo son in a deep conversation with my friend’s 19 yo daughter about her college experiences and so on. Older kids are usually expected to supervise the younger, especially during camping trips. Being part of a mixed age group is a very good experience for kids of all ages. Little ones learn from the big ones, and older children get lessons in responsibility and patience. And adults get some breathing room while kids are occupied with each other.
I’ve often heard the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. If everyone in the apartment complex keeps an eye on everybody’s kids maybe things like this would be less likely to happen. Was anyone keeping an eye on that fifteen year old?
“What strikes me as weird, though, is why an 8yo girl was friends with a 15yo boy.”
What strikes me as weird is that you think this is weird.
My oldest son is 14. Our daughters are 12 and 9. As a family, our kids are around a lot of 14, 12 and 9 year olds socially and with school. Why can’t they intermingle? Why is it weird that they are friends? I have friends of all different ages. Why can’t our children too?
Demonizing 15 year-old boys here won’t bring Maddy back. Let this community mourn for both of these children and their families. Put your pointy fingers in your back pocket and respectful refrain from victim blaming.
It serves no purpose but to hurt all of the indirect victims of senseless acts of violence.
To criticize the victim’s choice of friends is senseless.
I live just over the hill in San Jose, so this has been big news here. Fortunately, I guess you could say, my Facebook feed has been mostly positive. No parent bashing so far. Even last night, a group from work went out and we ended up at a sports bar/ restaurant. One of my friends, a 25 year old guy, was totally wasted and ended up playing a game of pool with an 11 year old kid (by my guess). No parents came over, no one was keeping eyes on the game…I never did figure out who the kid “belonged” to.
Additionally, wide age gaps amongst kids is becoming more the norm I think. My son has been playing with older boys since he was about 8 or 9. There just aren’t a lot of age appropriate kids out anymore. Aside from bruises from playing too rough, or him getting a taste for video games like GTA, there’s never been an issue.
Regarding the little 3-year-old British girl in I think it was Spain a few years back who was abducted from her hotel room while the parents were dining (She was with her older siblings in the room and was apparently abducted while they all were asleep), people on the blogs are already crucifying the parents for leaving the kids unattended and said they got what they deserved. Of course, there is no condemnation toward the person or people who might have strategically abducted the little girl, only the parents even though they were dining nearby.
I’ll come to the parents’ defense on the blogs and point out that it was not unreasonable at all for the parents wanting a little quiet time away from their kids for maybe 2 measly hours and that what happened was extremely extremely rare and you cannot prevent extremely extremely rare events. But, of course, I’m “shouted down” by the bubble-wrap crowd who probably would have done the same thing those parents did under the same circumstances without thinking anything of it. I guess it’s just so convenient to have the benefit of hindsight in order to blast those who didn’t.
@ George
“Your link says that child abductions by strangers are rare. But this homicide was even rarer, as it was not a stranger abduction. The girl apparently went willingly into the apartment of a neighbor kid she knew. Playing outside was not the problem. Living near homeless people was not the problem.
I hate to say it, but maybe the lesson is to tell little girls not to go into an older kid’s apartment without a chaperone.”
George, you’re actually saying the same thing that we pretty much agree on, here. It’s NOT playing outside that’s the problem. I think you’re wrong that abductions by a known and trusted neighbor is even rarer than by a stranger. In abductions, abuse etc., it’s almost always by someone they know, not a stranger.
“Don’t talk to strangers” has been known for a long time to be not the best advice. All kids (not just little girls) need to know basic safety rules to make good decisions about what’s safe and what isn’t. My kids know that although they’re allowed to go to certain places alone, they should never go anywhere with a friend, neighbor or stranger without asking a parent.
That is correct, we can’t predict these kinds of tragedies. But we can prepare our children to deal with situations that come their way. Now, I don’t believe in senseless violence. But I do believe that sometimes, to protect one’s self, violence does need to occur. This would be the last resort mind you.
This is why I teach my own how to protect himself. Children are already naturally perceptive. They just don’t understand what they are seeing or sensing. That is where parents come in. They should never shelter their children from this knowledge. The more they know, the better they are to deal with things. Of course tact is still essential. Keep it kid friendly, but truthful. One of the ways to protect himself, is to learn how to defend himself. If another kid is about to hurt him, without a doubt, he has my permission to hurt him first. Just enough to make him stop. I’ve often said to my partner, that if we ever had a daughter, I’m teaching her to gouge eyes, throws, chokes, and kicks to the groin and knee caps. At the same time to know and understand when these would be ok and necessary to do.
Sheltering children from the reality of life, only makes them more vulnerable to the very things we are trying to protect them from. Trust, if they aren’t learning about the bad things in life from you, they will be learning it from some place else. Better to control the situation and how they react. My kid is allowed to the very same things I did when I was his age. So long as we are aware of where he is, or where he will be. A quick text or call is all it takes. I believe in open dialogue with children. Trust, they can handle it. The parents…well, that’s a different matter. lol
Parent blaming is a favorite past time for a lot of people. They will blame the parents of the victim, they will blame the parents of the killer.
Huge numbers of people are even blaming the parents of the two 14 year olds missing in Florida. People want the parents charged with neglect and abuse, for letting their boys go out in a boat, without an adult.
I too live in Germany and this is an over rosy picture of life in Germany. It is true that there is a freer attitude to parenting, but there are still many many overly protective parents. Germans believe a breeze will cause infection. Children are over dressed, and over watched. Many more German mothers are stay at home, full time mums. I applaud that, but it isn’t actually the free range picture is it? Sports are over regulated. Everyone is in a ” Verein”. Rules in Germany are much more strictly enforced in general. The whole country could do with a little free range experience. We can’t even wash our cars outside or vacuum on a Sunday
Eric S.
I agree with them knowing how to defend themselves.
But I do not agree that the use of violence is the last resort. Too many times, using that ideal, by the time they decide to use violence, it is too late.
Also the “just enough to make them stop”, nope. You hold back, and you are going to get hurt.
I don’t know how many scraps you have been in, but there are certain things you have to accept.
One of which is you fight to win, and to win you must hurt your opponent.
”
I have taught my girls to defend themselves. And they had asked “What if I cause a serious injury?”. And I told them, that is good, they have done what needed to be done. You cannot worry about hurting to other person while defending yourself. They get hurt, that is their problem for putting you in that position.
This was a top news story here too (even though we had other children killed in the city yesterday- stabbed by a parent, killed in gun violence).
As for the parent blaming, this is the comment that got me on facebook:
“When are parents going to realize its not safe for a 8 year old out and about by herself or himself ; these days you have to sit in stoop and watch as your child rides there bike or is skating , anything just need to be present predators are always watching for there chance!!!”
But the parents were sitting out in the courtyard.
They were present.
She was still murdered.
I wish parents had this superpower to always be present and protect their children from everything. It doesn’t exist. We are all vulnerable. But living a life of shifty eyes, needing “to be present predators are always watching for there chance!!!” is on paranoid, mentally unhealthy existence. Especially for the children.
Just putting this young kid/old kid as friends into perspective. A few years ago when I lived and worked in Kuwait, one Friday I went to the water park with my boss and his 8-year-old daughter. Well around noon, Sabrina came up to her dad and asked him if she could join some older boys she met at the park for lunch. So dad asked her how old these boys were of which Sabrina replied 16. Well, Steve kind of looked at me funny and said to his daughter that John and I will have to check them out first. So we did and it was 3 Palestinian boys who lived in Kuwait and attended the American International School. They said they saw Sabrina playing in the area and seeing she was American, they engaged in some small talk with her like where in America are you from, what school do you go to, how long have you lived in Kuwait, how do you like it here, etc., etc.??? Well, they had a blanket laid out with food on it so they asked her if she’d like to join them for lunch. Well after surveying the situation, we saw the perspective here so Steve had no problem with his young daughter joining these 3 boys for lunch. We didn’t think there was anything unreasonable about that and it’s all about perspective.
But on the other end of the spectrum, if a 15-year-old kid is constantly (and I mean CONSTANTLY) spending time with an 8-year-old instead of with friends near his own age, that MIGHT be a red flag. In that case, I don’t think it’s good for either kid because most 15-year-old kids don’t like hanging around 8-year-olds. Like I said, it’s all about perspective.
@Warren…..that is so true Warren. People are blaming the parents of these 14-year-old boys for letting them go out on a boat by themselves. But that’s ridiculous because as the boys’ parents said, they have more experience with boating than most adults do. Even boating experts were saying that what happened to these two 14-year-old boys could have happened to ANYBODY including adult boating experts.
But you just watch Warren, just because of this unfortunate instance, more stupid laws and regulations will be passed forbidding kids under the age of 18 to be out on a boat by themselves. More American over reaction and yet another layer of bubble-wrap placed on our youth…….sigh.
“People are blaming the parents of these 14-year-old boys for letting them go out on a boat by themselves. […] just because of this unfortunate instance, more stupid laws and regulations will be passed forbidding kids under the age of 18 to be out on a boat by themselves.”
AFAIK, the only boating law that distinguishes between children and adults concerns life preservers; children are required to have them on, while adults are only required to have them physically available. I don’t expect that to change (in my state, anyway, YMMV)
Been a long time since I checked in with you, Lenore.
Who can explain these things and why they happen?
Just know this, they are safe. Take that to heart, even in death, they are safe. The Lord has them. Do not be bewildered.
Its interesting that you refer to 911, I flew right after that, to prove to myself that I will not be afraid of anything.
In a similar vein, the two 14-year old boys who are missing on a fishing trip is another call to watch your kids! Sigh. I’ve seen people posting on the stories that they don’t even let their 15-year old kids walk to school much less go sailing alone. Thankfully, many more have commented on how 14-year olds in coast communities grow up sailing and are often as experienced as the adults. We are in this blaming culture with this idea that all deaths or bad things are preventable.
@James Pollock – Yes, the most successful pedophiles earn adult trust in some way that allows them access to children. But in terms of sexual relationships, just like many rapists, they feel shunned, ignored, belittled, or otherwise incompetent around peers of the opposite sex. This leads them to find easier targets they can feel “successful” with. (I use that term loosely, and with disgust.)
@n, lollipoplover, Kimberly – You’re right, mixed-age groups of kids are not weird. In fact, they’re part of human cultures the world over. And older children are expected to mentor, lead, care for, and dote on younger children – we see this in Scouts, at school, in families, and elsewhere in life.
Nowhere in that description, however, do we see younger kids and older kids acting as equals, or peers, with one another. As far as we know, he wasn’t her babysitter or her tutor – he was her “friend.” And besides, this wasn’t a *group* of kids. It was two kids, at very different developmental stages of life. She likely saw a “big brother.” He saw… lord knows what.
So unless the 15yo has a developmental disability that puts him on equal footing with an 8yo, it seems strange to me that a high-school age young man would treat a third-grade girl as his peer. I know I wouldn’t have at that age. So while a friendship like this is not inherently bad or wrong, it’s nonetheless odd enough that it should’ve raised eyebrows.
It’s sort of like a 50yo man going after a 20yo woman. While occasionally you find honest and loving relationships, more often than not, something less wholesome is afoot.
Fear is the mind killer.
Just keep doing what you are doing. Chip, chip, chip away with their fears.
“Yes, the most successful pedophiles earn adult trust in some way that allows them access to children. But in terms of sexual relationships, just like many rapists, they feel shunned, ignored, belittled, or otherwise incompetent around peers of the opposite sex. ”
This is just not true.
@lollipoplover, I agree with you. There is an age gap of almost six years between my first two kids, and they play together all the time. There is an age gap of almost 11 years between my oldest and youngest, and while they don’t exactly play together, my oldest enjoys spending time with her. When my oldest was little, there were some older neighborhood kids, who did not have anybody their own age living nearby to play with, who enjoyed hanging out with my son. I don’t think there’s anything particularly “weird” about it. Are they the same kind of friendships they have with same-age peers? No. But just because two kids–or two people–are not the same age doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy spending time together, and nothing seems particularly off or strange to me about two kids in an apartment building–which may have not had many kids living in it–hanging out sometimes.
I don’t really think there’s a “lesson” in this, other than that bad things happen sometimes, because we don’t live in a perfect world. I wouldn’t say that no parent should ever let an 8 year old hang around with a 15 year old unsupervised, because for all we know this teen had a track record of being extremely responsible and doing so seemed perfectly safe. I don’t think we need to assume that every 15 year old boy in the country is a threat to children because of the actions of one.
I do think that once again we see that the perceived threat to children–a crafty pedophile, probably a white male in his 30s, 40s, or 50s, who spends a long period of time grooming a child and their family–is not the real threat. A lot of sexual abuse of prepubescent children is perpetrated by other minors, with the average age of a minor perpetrator being 14. A lot of violence committing against children is also committed by other minors. We’ve now seen several cases, in just a week, of teens killing younger children. While I think a lot of this is simply out of our control to stop, I do wonder if the fact that we now frame teens not as young adults who are responsible for their actions but as children who are perpetual victims is just not very healthy for anybody.
@JR- I understand what you are saying, but questioning Maddy’s relationship as a red flag the girl or parents should be “aware” of or paranoid of is wrong too and victim blaming.
Some times there are obvious red flags that are reported and bad things still happen.
A friend of mine was murdered several months ago. There were red flags. They were reported. She went through the “right” process with the judicial system and got PFAs, fought to keep her children safe from an abusive husband but she was still murdered by him. She was raped by him 2 years prior, requiring hospitalization. But he was never charged, she never pressed charges. She knew she would be dead if she did. He had money, top lawyers, and knew everyone in town and lied to them all.
She died a horrible death too- she was disemboweled with a chainsaw. Her sociopath ex-husband committed suicide with the chainsaw as well while their son was in the room next door and tried to break down the door. Can you imagine finding this scene?
We can’t even handle the obvious red flags to protect mothers and children with our current judicial system. Let’s not look for more.
I know the entire internet is full of experts on pedophilia, but at 15, this teen could not officially even be a pedophile. It’s just as likely that his actions were the result of opportunity–this might have been the only person he had access to for this kind of act–or it might have been more about power than sexual desire or it might have been an impulsive act or he might have been under the influence or he might be mentally ill or he might be a psycopath who just coldly wondered what it would be like to assault and murder another person. We don’t know.
However, we do know that many people who sexually abuse children are not pedophiles, but people acting impulsively, indiscriminately, sadistically, or under the influence, rather than because of sexual desire (a true pedophile is a person who is persistently attracted to prepubescent children, generally those 11 and younger). We also know that there are pedophiles who never act on their desires (just like most of us don’t act on most of our non-pathological sexual desires).
I’m not sure that it’s particularly useful or relevant to bring the issue of pedophilia into this.
@anonymous mom-
I don’t know why everyone is making assumptions that she was sexually assaulted (that would depend on the autopsy) and the motive was sexual or predatory.
She had a brand new scooter. Girls have been killed over bike parts.
Happened here:
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/two-teen-boys-arrested-in-nj-12-year-old-autumn-pasquales-death/
“But in terms of sexual relationships, just like many rapists, they feel shunned, ignored, belittled, or otherwise incompetent around peers of the opposite sex. This leads them to find easier targets they can feel “successful†with.”
This is not true at all. Most of my child molestation/rapist clients are in established sexual relationships with adults at the time of the child molestation. In fact, the most common child molester is mom’s live-in/regular overnight guest boyfriend. Now child porn and internet cases do bring in their fair share who are as you describe but those types are rare in actual sex cases.
Quote: “…..but at 15, this teen could not officially even be a pedophile.”
@anonymous mom…….according to Dr. Fred Berlin, a Psychiatrist who oversees a pedophile treatment program at Johns Hopkins University, many people who molest children are NOT pedophiles but people who crave being in control.
While it is true that 15 year olds and 8 year olds are not at the same stage in life, friends come in all levels of intimacy. A 15 year old neighbor having a casual friendship with my 9 year old would not alarm me. A 15 year old who regularly sought out my child for companionship would. We have no evidence that this situation was the latter rather than the former.
@Donna……it seems to me that many of the people in the media who have been arrested for child molestation, i.e. Jerry Sandusky and the former basketball coach at Syracuse University, were married heterosexual men with children of their own. The man down in Florida a few years back who abducted the young girl in the Wal*Mart parking lot and then took her to an undisclosed location where he violated her sexually and then murdered her, was married with two young sons. The same held true for a person whom I used to work with and was arrested for holding a 14-year-old girl at gunpoint while sexually assaulting her. This man was also married with children.
Now I’m sure there ARE homosexual men who have raped young boys too but most cases I hear of involve married heterosexual men. So I believe it’s a myth to assume that a gay man would be a danger around your young son. Of course, not that we should assume ANY man, hetero or otherwise, would be a danger. I’m just providing my observations.
My family and I live in the East Bay of the San Francisco Bay Area. Today I let my daughter and her friend (9 and 10 years old) walk to the community pool by themselves today (4 blocks). They’ve done it before. After this tragedy, my instinct was to NOT let them go, but I knew they needed to build their confidence and trust their community, and I needed that also.
They walked, they arrived, they called, and now they’re enjoying their independence and confidence and a day at the pool.
My heart aches for Maddy’s family. I will probably second guess myself every time I allow my children out of my sight, but I will continue to let them go.
@John, the cases you mention involve post-pubescent teens, though. At the level of psychology, raping a 14 year old is absolutely heinous, but not really fundamentally different at the level of desire than raping an 18 or 25 or 30 year old. Sexual desire for post-pubescent persons is normal, whether those persons are 15, 20,or 25. (Of course that does not mean it should be acted on! Obviously 60 year old men should not go around sleeping with every 20 year old woman they find attractive, but the fact that they find 20 year old women attractive is not a sign of anything being wrong with them, and is actually pretty normal and natural.) Sexual desire for pre-pubescent persons is not psychologically normal.
@anonymous mom and Donna –
I misspoke by conflating childhood sexual abuse with pedophilia. A pedophile is one with sustained sexual interest toward children and not adults, whereas childhood sexual abuse can happen by a person who maintains normal sexual relationships with adults but seeks power through abusing children. Anyway, we have no idea if this is the case with this young man or if he even sexually abused the girl at all.
My point, simply put, is that some people who seek power and control, but can’t find enough of it in their regular lives, may turn to vulnerable populations to fill that void. Serial rapists and killers generally fit into that category, and I can’t help but wonder if this young man did too.
While a few people have commented that they’ve seen normal and healthy mixed-age friendships, it is certainly not the norm, at least where I live, for fifteen-year-old boys to hang out with eight-year-old girls in the absence of a structured tutor/mentor/older-relative relationship.
“My point, simply put, is that some people who seek power and control, but can’t find enough of it in their regular lives, may turn to vulnerable populations to fill that void.”
At the risk of re-igniting it, this point was raised a couple of days ago in the bullying discussion.
“A pedophile is one with sustained sexual interest toward children and not adults”
No, a pedophile is one with a sustained sexual interest toward prepubescent children. There is no requirement that his/her interest is confined to children, nor is there any requirement that s/he not have sex with adults. Sexuality is often more complicated that you want to make it, especially when you are dealing with something as unacceptable as pedophilia. Even those who have no actual sexual attraction to adults are able to maintain normal sexual relationships much like many gay people maintain heterosexual relationships for years, including marrying and having children.
“Even those who have no actual sexual attraction to adults are able to maintain normal sexual relationships much like many gay people maintain heterosexual relationships for years, including marrying and having children.”
Everyone knows that getting married and having kids marks the end of a person’s sex life! They say so on TV, and they couldn’t put it on TV if it weren’t true!
After my years as a police officer I learned that you can do everything wrong and not get a scratch and everything right and get killed. Similarly it applies to children living their lives. My condolences to family friends neighbors classmates of victim and prayers for all traumatized by the young beast who did not have a leash on monstrous character. Vigilance means different things to different people. Just today a mom told her daughter to stand where she could see her while making her order. Standing with a friend chatting I showed her my retired police id. When a younger daughter came out to join her sister we decided to leave as I told them to keep an eye on their to make sure she is okay and they smiled, both way below 10.
My daughter attended a fairly small magnet program in our school district. Two of the 59 children she went to school with were killed by the time HS graduation rolled around. One was walking on a sidewalk, when he was run over by a driver who had a seizure (she was driving home from the doctor’s appointment where the doctor told her she shouldn’t be driving. The other was killed, along with his grandfather, in a plane crash on his way across country for space camp. Not far up the road is the elementary school that was the last place a young boy was seen, as, several years later, his disappearance remains unsolved.
When I was in HS, there were a couple of kids who didn’t make it… a boating accident, a longtime medical condition.
We react to loss of life by the young as especially tragic because they had not yet had an opportunity to find their potential.
If I had the inclination, I’d look up the number of kids who are killed by preventable illness and those killed by murderous strangers; I bet the germs beat the strangers. Yet, there are people who will argue that withholding vaccination (or even all medical care) from their kids is better for them.
No, no one except that person who killed her did anything wrong. But there are things parents can do keep their kids safer that does not involve locking them in the house. And actually I love that I teach kids and adults self-defense and awareness. People, even young people can understand a lot (without scaring them). We recently had one of my former students avoid an abduction attempt on the playground. Another student of mine had to defend himself from being thrown out of a moving vehicle.
I urge folks to read 2 books by Gavin DeBecker called The Gift of Fear and the other is Protecting the Gift. Another fabulous resource is Kidpower.org. Fabulous resources.
I am 100% for free range.
@John – Madeline McCain is entirely different. She wasn’t left with her older siblings but with her twin 2 year old siblings. Horrible that she disappeared, but frankly the parents were stupid in that case, in my opinion. Heaven only knows what happened to her, but she could easily have simply wandered off.
Hadn’t heard of the two 14 year Olds. …that sounds really sad, but certainly not neglect. As you say, they know more about sailing than most of us. Could happen to anyone. They weren’t like that moronic Sunderland girl, trying to set records….There is a wonderful story about a 14 year old who told his mother he was going camping for the week, and instead he went to Plymouth and crewed a yacht headed for Dunkirk. He carried on rescuing soldiers after the old man whose boat he’d boarded was killed on the second day out. He returned home at the end of the week and never did tell Mum what he’d been up to!
As to Adrian Gonzalez, my heart goes out to him. He sounds like he was a great kid, and I wish we could help kids never to make such awful decisions. I see he’s going to be tried as an adult. …yet another young life down the toilet. I also wish America would start considering that incarceration for ever maybe isn’t the only way to deal with mixed up young people.
Why isn’t there national media coverage of the many more children killed by their own parents in the course of physical abuse and neglect every day?
@sexhysteria – because that’s too mundane and common, God help us all…
A very sad event, condolences to the family and friends.
However, I think it’s important to point out that it was not a stranger abduction. It was someone they all knew. Teaching stranger danger would have done nothing to help in this case. An unlikely event that will forever change their neighborhood, but was just that, unlikely.
This would not have happened if this little girl was being watched by an adult
“This would not have happened if this little girl was being watched by an adult”
Isn’t the kid who did it being charged as an adult? If so, then she WAS watched by an adult.