This festive season, remind parents that their precious kids could be abducted and killed if the rescue dogs don’t find them immediately.
What better way to send happy holiday greetings than the $19.99 FindEm yznznkhiys
Kit, that preserves a child’s scent for the day they are abducted? As the website declares, “A Child Goes Missing Every 40 Seconds.”
Ok, so they forgot to add that a child going missing has nothing to do with the number of children who are actually abducted. Just like the number of children falling off swings is not the same as the number of children who fall off swings and suffer traumatic brain injuries. And speaking of swings, guess what image the kit uses on its home page?
You know, if I were a swing I would sue for character defamation. Not so long ago, an empty swing just represented a swing not currently in use. Now it represents raped and murdered children.
So, anyway, next to the photo of empty swings, the website explains:
“Scent articles have been used as a viable and dependable tool for K9 Search and Rescue teams used to locate missing persons for decades, although there has been a consistent challenge in finding a scent sample that hasn’t been cross contaminated. For example, a child’s pillowcase has been touched by their parents and siblings…creating challenges for the canine search team and wasting vital time that sometimes is the difference between life and death. The Find’em Scent Kit is much like a life insurance policy: you hope you’ll never need it, but once a need arises, it’s already too late- those that are prepared will be the ones that benefit from their investment.”
Clearly the idea here is, “Why not?” After all, you most likely won’t need it, but why not have it just in case?
The problem is “Why not?” is first cousin to, “What if????” As in, “Why not put a pot of boiling oil above every school entrance? What if a psychopath is entering the building, the school secretary can simply activate the oil to spill on the gunman.”
But of course, by the time we are putting pots of boiling oil (or their security equivalent) above school doors,we have already bought into the idea that our kids are in constant danger from the very worst of the worst. This blood-curdling fear that then seeps into every crevice of childrearing, leading us to drive the kids to school, supervise all playdates, scrutinize all school volunteers, forbid all sleepovers…and pretty worst-first all the time.
So if you’re hoping for some happy holidays, or a happy life, here’s my gift to you: Don’t buy into the idea that you’re going to need the services of a search dog team. – L