Your Baby Can Get Ahead! (For $29.99)

Thank goodness for the Walk khkbekrzih
Now children will finally learn how to walk. All they needed was a little extra $29.99 help — and here it is, at last!  And since they will reach their “key development milestones faster” — and we all know it’s a race — that must mean they will be ahead for the rest of their lives! Hey you pathetic self-taught toddlers: Eat my baby’s dust!



1. Motor Skills
2. Physical Development
3. Balance & Coordination

– See more at:

Walk Mee - Training Walker

Baby or marionette? YOU make the call!

50 Responses to Your Baby Can Get Ahead! (For $29.99)

  1. Emily March 1, 2013 at 9:07 am #

    That reminds me of the Jolly Jumper that I had as a baby/toddler, that was passed on to my brother. It was a classic piece of 80’s babyware–thin strings, and the main supporting beam was made of thick cardboard, if you can believe it. Such a thing would never be on the market today. Anyway, I really hated the Jolly Jumper, but my brother loved it. Looking back at old photos, though, all I can think is, if the child didn’t swing perfectly straight back and forth, then he or she could easily slam sideways into the door frame.

  2. maggie March 1, 2013 at 9:24 am #

    They still have those Emily. (My youngest is 4, and he used one) I think they’re called Johnny Jump Ups now. My kids loved ours! I always wanted an adult version, though I don’t think our door frame would support it:)

  3. Cara March 1, 2013 at 9:27 am #

    Meh, they’ve had these for centuries:

  4. Elizabeth March 1, 2013 at 9:34 am #

    That’s not a new idea at all. In the 18th century they accomplished the same thing by sewing ribbons/straps on the shoulders of baby clothes. Probably didn’t cost $30 that way though, and not patentable.

  5. lollipoplover March 1, 2013 at 9:45 am #

    It looks like a Baby Purse to me.

  6. Tony Shreck March 1, 2013 at 9:47 am #

    It’s a Babybarrow!

  7. Brian March 1, 2013 at 9:52 am #

    We had a jumper thing that attached to the door frame. My son loved it and so did we because you could put him in there and get stuff done. The “evolution” of that same idea leads it to:

    1) an item the parent has to hold instead of a way to get some stuff done without holding your kid

    2) a developmental aid to “teach” skills instead of just a fun jumper

  8. CrazyCatLady March 1, 2013 at 9:57 am #

    By my 3rd child in 5 years, I didn’t want anything that would make them walk sooner. They were all going in different directions with different abilities to be recalled when I needed them. What I needed (and got) was leashes.

  9. Emily March 1, 2013 at 10:10 am #

    @Brian–I can think of another use for the Walk Mee. If a parent was feeling creative, he or she could get several harnesses, some costumes and make-up, and enlist your child’s day care classmates in doing a re-enactment of “The Lonely Goat-Herd” song from The Sound of Music. It’d be a guaranteed YouTube hit, because proficiency takes a back seat to cuteness at that age.

  10. Emily March 1, 2013 at 10:11 am #

    I meant, “enlist THEIR child’s day care classmates.” I hit “Submit” too soon by accident.

  11. Barb March 1, 2013 at 10:18 am #

    I see nothing wrong with this except they are marketing it badly. My granddaughter is at a stage where she wants to walk everywhere, but she can’t do it on her own, so she grabs your fingers and makes you hunch over and walk where she wants to go, seems to me this would save my back some wear and tear.

  12. mollie March 1, 2013 at 10:46 am #

    And people complain they’re broke, when they buy all this stuff, and complain that it costs SO MUCH to raise kids “these days.”

    Opt out, folks, opt out! You need precious little “stuff” to raise a kid, especially a baby!!

  13. Krista March 1, 2013 at 10:50 am #

    I admit that I have done something similar, but I just threaded a scarf under my kid’s arms at the armpits and used that. It did save my back for long walks.

    But it wasn’t done so they could reach milestones faster. It was the equivalent of finger-holding. I can see the above product being used for children that can’t even support themselves yes in a misguided attempt to get them to the stage where they want to walk. It’s just weird.

  14. Observer March 1, 2013 at 10:57 am #

    What they really need is what my grandmother called a “Magic Poon”.

    You need one good, long-handled wooden spoon. The child holds one end and you hold the other to give them a little support. When they start moving, you let go and they keep going, filled with confidence because they still have the “magic poon”.

    Dumbo, eat your heart out.

  15. Suze March 1, 2013 at 11:06 am #

    My best friend’s granddaughter was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy and they had one of these contraptions to help her learn to walk. So I’m guessing for something like that, it may be a help. Other than that, just an unnecessary, useless thing to waste your money on.

    And yes, I agree it looks like a Jolly Jumper minus the clamp you put around the door frame.

  16. lynnie March 1, 2013 at 11:09 am #

    Whatever happened to just holding baby’s hands and walking that way? Oh yeah, it’s free and not marketable.

  17. Lisa March 1, 2013 at 11:13 am #

    Just a fun toy, like anything else. The problem is not in the existence of these things, it is in the belief that one must have ALL the different devices out there in order to make sure your kids have every developmental advantage. It is the competition in parenting, not the innovations, that are wrong.
    I had a doorway jumper, which my daughter loved. I also had a soft carrier, and a backpack carrier, and might have used something like this when she was learning to walk. That doesn’t mean she’s any worse off for not having had one. Just like a baby carried in a sling does not have any developmental advantage over one not – but for some parents, the convenience might have been worth the purchase.

  18. Brooks March 1, 2013 at 11:33 am #

    These are very common in physical rehabilitation for kids with disabilities. There are numerous harnes-support product for both children and adults. Looks like the company saw a product where there was a need and figured they could sell it to hyped up parent and make a quick buck. These probably will sell well to the same parent who buy those silly shopping buggy covers.

  19. Hi, I'm Natalie March 1, 2013 at 11:40 am #

    Am I the only one who would LOVE if my (second) kid takes her sweet time learning to walk?

  20. W March 1, 2013 at 12:16 pm #

    I’ve got no problem with the product itself. My kids loved thsoe things. I do have issue with them billing it as a developmental aid.

  21. sylvia_rachel March 1, 2013 at 12:21 pm #

    I wouldn’t pay $30 for that thing, but considering how much time one spends, at a certain stage, walking all hunched over while a toddler clutches one’s thumbs, I can totally understand how someone might be tempted.

    @lynnie, it’s free and not marketable and can be REALLY hard on your back, especially if you are tall (I’m not, fortunately for me :D) and/or already have back issues.

    I think it’s ridiculous to market this as a must-have thing without which your baby will never learn to walk. But I can see where it could be useful (and as Cara and Elizabeth point out, it’s hardly a new idea).

  22. JJ March 1, 2013 at 1:30 pm #

    All this baby gadgetry has to be related to our society going over board with baby showers.

  23. Ali March 1, 2013 at 2:16 pm #

    I operate under the notion that the longer a baby crawls the better their balance, coordination and cognitive abilities. Hurrying the walking process robs them of the crucial inter-brain connections developed when they crawl on all fours. $29.99 is robbery in more ways than one.

  24. Warren March 1, 2013 at 2:43 pm #

    Damn I am such a bad parent. My kids learned to walk with the dogs. Bloody mutts had the kids up and running in no time.

    It is all about incentive. The more the child wants to get up and keep up with what is going on around them, the sooner they will be up and running.

  25. pentamom March 1, 2013 at 2:50 pm #

    Well, it’s obvious why this is being marketed as a developmental tool rather than a convenience:

    1. The idea that under normal circumstances a child’s development depends on doing all the right things and avoiding the wrong ones and that if we go above and beyond, our child can even be “superior,” and

    2. The idea that nothing can be seen as being a convenience or for the parents’ benefit, because as we’ve been told in the comments here before, doing anything ever with the view of what’s simpler and easier is being a lazy and selfish parent.

  26. heidi March 1, 2013 at 3:08 pm #

    As a 6’1″ woman, this thing would be the bees knees as far as my back is concerned.

  27. Let_Her_Eat_Dirt March 1, 2013 at 3:19 pm #

    I wanted to echo Mollie’s point about “opting out.” There is so much stuff for babies today — it seems to creep up through the floorboards. My wife and I barely buy anything, and we still fill inundated with stuff from my brothers and my neighbors and my mom. For most parents, this contraption is useless (unless someone has serious back issues), but no doubt some well-meaning gift-giver will thrust it on some unsuspecting parents, who may think they “need” it in order to help their kids get into the “best” day care or something.

    Let Her Eat Dirt
    One dad’s take on raising tough, adventurous girls

  28. hineata March 1, 2013 at 3:49 pm #

    Not sure why they think it’s safer than traditional baby walkers. I could imagine tripping up while walking with my kid in one, and crashing both self and baby to the ground. Not that I would have bothered with one anyway – neuro-typical kids walk fast enough alone.

    Still, it is keeping someone somewhere, probably in an overcrowded factory in China or Thailand, employed, so it is performing a social service function of a (dubious) sort.

  29. SKL March 1, 2013 at 4:03 pm #

    What made sense to me was to hold your hands lightly under the baby’s upper arms as she starts learning to balance while toddling. That way the baby gets the appropriate kind of feedback on whether his moves are working or not, without developing a fear of falling. (Of course not all babies are deterred by a fear of falling, but some are.)

    Seems to me that between the time you order that gizmo and the time it comes in the mail, most kids would have learned to walk. It’s not exactly rocket science.

  30. SKL March 1, 2013 at 4:06 pm #

    Oh, and I agree with Ali that letting a baby crawl as long as the baby prefers that is good for his brain. It can make a big difference, actually.

  31. Donna March 1, 2013 at 5:18 pm #

    @pentamom – And don’t forget the mentality that the parents whose kids achieve their milestone’s first are the winners in the great parenting competition.

  32. Emily March 1, 2013 at 6:42 pm #

    All joking aside (because, after all, using toddlers as puppets in a Rodgers and Hammerstein musical could probably be construed as child abuse), I agree with Suze. This device would probably be helpful in teaching a physically disabled child to walk, but for a healthy child, it’s probably not necessary. I don’t remember learning to walk, but I do know that my parents didn’t buy anything to teach me. Also, I remember being three and four years old (or sometime thereabouts), and learning how to ice skate by pushing one of my plastic kiddie chairs that came with my plastic tea set. Nowadays, that practice isn’t considered safe, and parents buy metal walker type things to teach kids to ice skate, because most commercial ice rinks ban chairs now. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I agree with other posters–it’s sickening that people believe that no milestone in a child’s life can be achieved without buying something.

  33. Suzanne March 1, 2013 at 10:10 pm #

    I wonder how much they will be sued for when the first helicopter parent looses their grip and their precious child gets a bruised on their knee.

    Seriously, some of the over the top products I’ve seen on this blog can be justified by the small group of parents who might need them for disabled children who need a little extra help but I have trouble believing it in this case. I knew a couple a couple years back who’s daughter had a developmental difficulty that prevented her from walking. But the time it was accurately diagnosed, she would have been far to heavy for something like this, but the physo therapists had her walking in no time.

  34. Emily March 2, 2013 at 12:29 am #

    @Suzanne–There was actually a girl at my elementary school, in my brother’s class, who was legitimately mentally and physically handicapped. She’d apparently had a stroke at the age of three, and was pretty out of it–wheelchair, big-kid diapers, couldn’t talk, and sometimes she’d spasm a bit. Anyway, she had a “walker” device, but it wasn’t the harness kind; it was sort of like a larger version of the baby walkers that got taken off the market about ten years ago, for safety reasons (legitimate ones–some kid wheeled to the counter and pulled a boiling hot kettle down on herself). Anyway, I don’t know if this walker thing actually helped her to walk, but it definitely worked better than the harness set-up.

  35. suzyq March 2, 2013 at 6:29 am #

    So it takes the place of letting baby hold onto someone’s fingers, which would actually REDUCE their ability to learn to balance (remember how they tip forward?)…and they won’t develop as much muscle tone because someone is holding them upright with this safe, sturdy, padded device rather than letting Junior use their own muscles to reach up to hold on, and by having someone potentially reduce the amount of weight their little legs are bearing by lifting up a little extra…Yeah, what a GREAT idea!

  36. socalledauthor March 2, 2013 at 10:50 am #

    While I can recognize that for taller people, hunching over a small child can be a pain in the back (luckily, my son was an overachiever in the height department) I don’t think any commercial made product is necessary. Of course, that’s my general philosophy for child rearing in general is whether the commercial product is necessary, useful, or just an added expensive with limited benefit. (Swing– for us was a gift from the gods. Bouncy seat– waste of space and money.) If I can do without, it certainly makes the meager paycheck go farther.

    I love the Magic Spoon (Poon? I can’t make myself use the child’s version of a word where they are missing letters, like ‘nowman for snowman, etc. I.just.can’t.) It allows the extra reach but as a “magic locket/ magic shoes” element. When my little brothers were small and I needed to hold their hand and use both my hands, I’d have them hold my pocket.

    My son was very slow to take steps on his own. To this day, the kid finds any fall or threat of falling to be the most horrific of experience (I think it’s a bit worse than the average kid, but he’s my first after many years of babysitting, so it is a small sample size.) We made many, many trips around the house where he wanted to hold me hand. I figured it was a nice bonding time.

    I could see myself tripping over the kid if I was holding straps on the above contraption– as it is, he’s made countless attempts to kill us both by crossing in front of me before I can get my sleep-deprived brain to catch up to the change in direction. Holding him directly in front of me… seems like the same problem I have with some shopping carts and many strollers– no room for long legs!

  37. Lissa March 2, 2013 at 11:59 am #

    This must be solely directed at new parents. Anyone who’s on kid #2 or more would just laugh and wonder why in god’s name people would want to start the ‘fully mobile’ stage any sooner than they had to.

  38. Bob March 2, 2013 at 1:11 pm #

    I wish parents (and everyone else) would get over the silly notion that reaching milestones earlier is somehow beneficial for children, or indicates that they will have an advantage over their peers later in life. I think this mistaken idea gets reinforced by those stupid “well-baby checkups” they always want you to have, where they charge you hundreds of dollars to weigh and measure your perfectly healthy child and ask you a long series of “has he [fill in the blank] yet?” questions — e.g., has he rolled over yet? has he smiled yet? is he sleeping through the night yet? is he crawling yet? is he eating solid food yet? is he walking yet? is he talking yet? — and so on ad infinitum. It makes parents wonder if their child is all right if they have to answer “no” to any of those questions, and then they get panicky and start pushing the child to do things before he/she is ready. The people who manufacture and sell pricey baby-related paraphernalia capitalize on this parental anxiety, and make a fortune selling expensive unnecessary stuff to worried parents. Parents would enjoy parenthood a lot more if they would just relax and quit worrying about developmental milestones. There is no evidence whatsoever that reaching those milestones early will translate into greater success, academic achievement, and/or happiness later in life.

  39. Steph March 2, 2013 at 2:16 pm #

    I remember watching a mom with her pre-walker at a group I used to go to – the boy would love to “walk” around, but still needed mom’s assistance, so she walked with him, hunched over, holding his hands, for long amounts of time. I always wondered if her back was killing her, because I know mine would. If I were her, I would probably love this contraption. But use it in order to teach a child to walk? No way – babies will learn that in their own time.

  40. Emily March 2, 2013 at 6:23 pm #

    @Bob–You mean to say that well-baby check-ups are optional? I thought that, for an infant/toddler/preschooler at least, regular check-ups fell under the category of “medical attention,” and withholding that would therefore fall under the category of “failing to provide the necessities of life,” which would be neglect, and therefore grounds for taking your child away. That’s good to know, though–if I ever have a child, I’m glad to learn that I won’t have to take him or her to the doctor in the absence of an actual illness or injury.

  41. hineata March 3, 2013 at 4:42 am #

    @Bob – do you have to pay for ‘well baby’ check-ups? Ours are all free, or I don’t think anyone would bother. Even then there isn’t total uptake. Midwives or whoever should be checking the baby over at birth anyway.

    Emily, I don’t think that not taking your child along to these would be considered neglect, as long as there wasn’t something obviously wrong with the baby/infant/toddler. And hopefully parents have some other adults around them who can also say when they think a child is maybe a bit/a lot outside the ‘norm’, and should be seen by a doctor etc. My first I took religiously, as you do, the second went because she was always sick, and the third I took a couple of times before getting sick and tired of the whole deal – she was so obviously healthy it was a waste of everybody’s time.

  42. Emily March 3, 2013 at 10:51 am #

    @Hineata–I don’t have kids yet. I’m not even married. I don’t know how I’d handle the whole medical issue if and when I have a child, but I do think that kids are over-monitored and over-vaccinated now. I mean, I only remember getting six, maybe seven vaccinations in my whole life, and I grew up perfectly healthy. I had chicken pox when I was nine, but back then (late 1993), chicken pox wasn’t a crisis; it was a normal childhood rite of passage that came with a week off of school, and lots of oatmeal baths and daytime television.

  43. MrsSell March 3, 2013 at 12:02 pm #

    My daughter never crawled. She started cruising at 6 months, then took off walking at eight. And at twenty months, she has yet to say a word, so we figure it balances out. Kids do things on their own schedules; I think we’re deluding ourselves that we have much to do with those ‘milestones.’

  44. hineata March 3, 2013 at 3:00 pm #

    @MrsSell – sorry to be incredibly rude, really, because obviously I’ve never met your daughter, but you are sure she doesn’t have hearing issues?

    My two healthy kids talked late, mostly because they were at the time bi-lingual,and were both fine, but personally I wish I’d paid more attention to the middle one, who was even later to make sense…What turned out to be minor hearing issues had quite an impact on her early schooling.

    Am sure your daughter is probably just following her own timetable, but, personally, I would keep a little eye on it. 🙂

  45. Tamaya March 3, 2013 at 3:58 pm #

    Both my kids had the Jolly Jumper. My daughter was in a hip brace til 8 months, never crawled and walked at 10 months. My son crawled for a long time and didn’t walk til 18 months. they all develop at their own rate having all the gadgets won’t help.

  46. Rebecca Menes March 4, 2013 at 8:43 am #

    I see one Free Range application for this device – twirling your kid around so fast his/her feet leave the ground!

  47. Aimee March 4, 2013 at 9:58 am #

    My brother didn’t say an actual word until after age 2. My mom can remember instances when he was 3 or so and he talked about things that had happened, and that he had done, BEFORE he started to talk. He was president of his senior class in high school, a student body leader in college, and he has an MBA. All require a LOT of talking!

    My son didn’t walk well until he was 18 months old. Now he’s 11; he’s on the football and swim teams, and snowboards very well (I’m not “sporty,” this was all his idea ;-). I know kids who walked at 10 months, but now, as older kids, sit on the couch and play X-Box rather than run and play. I’ll take my “slow to walk” kid over the couch potatoes!

    Don’t fret too much over timing of “milestones.”

  48. Suzanne March 4, 2013 at 1:48 pm #

    I feel like such a fool for just holding my children by the hands when they were little when I could have been using this nifty device. Seriously though, I think that because the baby is in a seat-like structure they will not learn balance and this would actually delay walking.

    It makes me sad to see what some people will spend money on in the name of having a “better,” or “smarter” or “faster to develop” baby.

  49. Rachel March 4, 2013 at 2:26 pm #

    This is what overalls are for. You thread a bit of ribbon or shoelace through the back straps, and you can give your spine a break from the hunched finger holding. They get juuuust enough support not to totally wipe out, and it costs next to nothing.

  50. Craig March 6, 2013 at 5:28 pm #

    I’m stunned by some of these responses. Save your back! Seriously. My daughter started walking at 10 months. She pulled herself up on furniture and tables and the dog. Eventually she stood up on her own and you know what. She fell. She fell a lot. But we laughed, she laughed got up and tried again. Now she walks all over the place. And she has no interest in holding anyone’s hand.