Your fun for the weekend, from bssennrsyh
The Onion, which gets it just about right just about every time:
WASHINGTONâ€”Saying no one in the country is responsible or reliable enough to serve as a legal guardian, child protective services officials from all 50 states confirmed Friday that they had found all of the nationâ€™s adults unfit to be parents and had taken custody of approximately 80 million children.
Child welfare workers told reporters they removed all persons under the age of 18 from their unsuitable living situations and placed them under state supervision after home visits revealed that none of the 68 million parents in the United States possessed the judgment or emotional maturity necessary to raise a child.
â€œThroughout the nation, investigations into the home environments of children failed to find a single household in which parents were serving as positive role models in any way,â€ said U.S. Administration for Children and Families spokesperson Lisa Young, describing how caseworkers entered homes to find kids eating food of no nutritional value and staring vacantly at the screens of tablet computers. â€œWe soon determined American adults are utterly incapable of setting a good example when it comes to healthy habits or personal behavior.â€
â€œThe moment you meet these people, you realize they have absolutely no business being parents,â€ she added.
Read the rest here!