Ach! You haf zee streudel nightmares too? My 17th patient today! Folks — You’ll recall the case from a few days ago when a boy was suspended from school for the crime of biting what sounds like a Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun. (Supposedly he was just trying to bite it into”the shape of a mountain,” but, sure — whatever, kid. Just tell it to the judge.) Well now the school seems to be offering its students counseling. What a relief! I’d worried the kids would be left to struggle with PPTTSD (Post-Pop-Tart-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder) on their own, perhaps…
Author: lskenazy
Readers — An Oregon high school is planning to stage the most apocalyptic shooter drill yet. According to local public NPR station, KLCC: If Elmira High school students go to school on April 27th, they’ll be in an active-shooter role play drill. This is Chris Heppel, who’s coordinating the helicopters that will fly in to transport fake victims. “We’ll have some type of an incident transpire where a number of folks are injured by a firearm. We’ll have students and parents, as well as some faculty practice our response to that.” The piece explains that while most local schools are…
Readers — The story below makes me so sad and so angry, and you will see why. If anyone at Child Protective Services or the police department would pick up a single book written before predator panic swept the country, they’d see that 6-year-olds were always part of the neighborhood scene, scampering, playing, or even — in many eras and areas — working! The idea that a 6-year-old can’t be outside without constant supervision is new and warped. It also seriously underestimates kids. Is there a law requiring parents to stunt their children’s curiosity, competence, maturity and independence? I fear…
Readers — I don’t want this blog to become just a compendium of nutty zero tolerance stories, but it’s Saturday night and I couldn’t resist just one more before we return to more pressing matters. The Associated Press reports that a Pennsylvania doctor’s receptionist mis-heard a student’s singing voicemail as, “Shooting some people outside of the school,” instead of, “Shooting shoot some b-ball outside of the school” — the Fresh Prince rap — and immediately alerted the authorities. The student’s school went into lockdown. The student himself was also arrested. Ho-hum. Just another day in the Paranoid States of America.…
Readers — I don’t have any comments to make about this latest “Boy Suspended for the Stupidest Reason On Earth” story, but I figured you’re going to hear it soon, might as well hear it here first. And remember: When boys who shape their pastry into a mountain that, to their teacher, looks like a gun, get suspended, only teachers who suspend boys for making mountains will have gun-shaped pastry. Or something like that. – L. Baba au gun?
Thank goodness for the Walk Mee! Now children will finally learn how to walk. All they needed was a little extra $29.99 help — and here it is, at last! And since they will reach their “key development milestones faster” — and we all know it’s a race — that must mean they will be ahead for the rest of their lives! Hey you pathetic self-taught toddlers: Eat my baby’s dust! “WALK MEE” HELPS BABIES REACH KEY DEVELOPMENT MILESTONES FASTER 1. Motor Skills 2. Physical Development 3. Balance & Coordination – See more at: http://meenobabies.com/why-mee.html#walkmee Baby or marionette? YOU…
Hi Readers! You know how you can go to one site to look something up and a few clicks later you end up someplace else completely different? (I was trying to find the percentage of parents who worry their kids will be kidnapped — a London study found 98%, but I couldn’t find a figure for the States. Can you?) That’s what just happened. One thing leads to another thing which leads you — or, now, us — to dsbfibirtr this very intriguing Dept. of Justice memo from a few years back about how important it is to combat not…
Hi Readers — Today I’m posting on Common Good about school safety…or what passes for it. Common Good believes in a common sense, non-hysterical approach to policy, and I’m thrilled to be blogging there. Here’s how the piece begins: Dear Lenore: I took my kids to Sunday school a few weeks ago and the door we usually go in had a sign on it saying that we could no longer enter there. Everyone needs to go in the door on the other side of the building. Never mind that to get there, people now have to walk their children through…
Hi Folks! This wise essay comes to us from Ernie Allison, who describes himself as a “bird nerd” since he was a kid. He loves contributing to conservation efforts and spreading awareness about bird issues and nature in general. Writing for birdfeeders.com has given him “the opportunity to spread awareness as well as learn about hummingbird migration patterns.” He says he spends his days trying to get his grandchildren outside, writing, and watching his hummingbird feeders. Sounds extremely pleasant! – L. Helping Kids Embrace Nature The other day I was visiting my grown daughter and 5-year-old granddaughter. It was…
Hi Readers — Paxton, a small town in Illinois, where the land is flat as flat can be, is about to lose its only sledding hill to the Abominable Insurance Man. So says Esquire: …The Paxton Park District’s insurance provider ruled that its sledding hill is too risky. “The insurance would have skyrocketed if someone was hurt,” a parks board member told The Champaign News-Gazette. Bad as that sounds, here’s the Orwellian worst: “I can imagine that the first couple of times it snows, they’ll think about the hill and come out and see it’s not there and be disappointed,”…